And the Liebster award goes to…..

I already wrote my main blog for the day but I figured since I have a little time on my hands and I enjoyed writing my check in blog so much I would chime in on my thoughts on the Liebster award.

I am beginning to wonder just who the Fuck this Liebster guy/gal is. I mean, does anybody really know? For all I know it’s just a bull shit award used to kind of drive up traffic, like a pyramid scheme without any money being exchanged. I am very skeptical about the whole thing and really want no part of it. I won’t nominate anybody for some award named after some person who I don’t know shit about nor use that person to drum up traffic to my site and whatever you do don’t nominate me for one of these awards. If you want to recognize me you can mention me on your blog and then your 5000 followers can know who the hell I am and I can get some easy publicity and you have done me a solid favor and all is good.

Am I the only one who thinks these awards are just pyramid schemes without money? If I want to recognize a writer, and I have, then I will just give them a shoutout on my own blog and my readers will be exposed to that writer. That writer benefits by the exposure and I have done that person a solid good deed without getting anything back in return.  When you want to honor somebody isn’t the true spirit of that supposed to be that you want nothing in return? Doesn’t it feel like that by asking somebody to recognize you on their blog and give you a shout out so that you are exposed to their 5000 followers or what not more of a benefit to you than to the blogger being awarded? Then that blogger has to nominate 5-10 bloggers for the award who in turn will mention him/her and that blogger then gets publicity on those peoples blogs. Does anybody remember the old chain mail schemes? This sounds exactly like that scheme. No money is being exchanged so I am not saying that it is illegal, it most definitely is not but it sure as fuck is schemey. If that’s a word.

So with that in mind the Liebster award goes to….Fucking nobody.

 

Sunday February 18th Check in Time

Hello All,

I hope everybody is having a great weekend so far. Mine has been pretty good and I am feeling like I am in a good space at this time. So it is a great time to just check in and provide an update on what is going on with me.

I haven’t taken a lot of time to write lately but not because things are hectic or not going well but mainly because I have just needed to slow a bit and have some “do nothing time.” Okay, I guess that sounds like things were hectic but it’s more accurate to say that things were busy.

Life has been great, just busy that’s all. For about 3 months I was writing prolificly. Then things slowed down and then they just came to a halt. Well, when I really was writing often I was out of a job. There was a big transition in my life. After 9 plus years at my old job they ended up laying everybody off and the business sold what they could to another company. So in between jobs I wrote just about daily, often twice and also made sure to give myself a lot of routine. I thrive with routine. So I would write often, go to the gym and hit 7AM AA meetings about 6 days a week. This kept me busy in a good way, a very good way and kept me from from feeling useless and without an identity.

Well,, since I started working again life has kept me busy. I have been working 6 days a week for some time now, happily taking the overtime and I still hit the gym 4 times a week and make time to hit about 4 AA meetings a week but now I do it in the afternoon, and I have a relationship to nurture and oh yes by the way we are getting married in October so we are in the early stages of planning for that. My fiancé is going dress shopping today which is allowing me time to write this before I of course head to the gym to hit the treadmill. So yeah, that is why the writing has slacked off tremendously. Something had to give. Instead of writing for an hour or hour and a half I am using that time to connect with my fiancé, even if it’s just watching some music show or a silly sitcom.

Life has been good lately, very good. With all the overtime at work I have been able to work on paying off a medical bill that showed upin my mailbox some 6months after I was taken to the hospital. Just when you think everything is taken care of they hit you with a bill. I also am paying back my dad for a loan he gave me to buy the wedding ring. Slowly but surely the bill and loan are getting paid back and the sense of responsibility feels really good. I take a lot of pride in making that happen, so yes, it is actually good for me. This may sound crazy to some but I think an alcoholic may be able to relate to what I am saying. I am also trying to save up about 1200$ for some of the wedding expenses and I happy that I will be able to juggle all those bills and take care of all those different things. Things that for most of my life would have overwhelmed me no longer feel unattainable. I am blessed with a confidence that these are doable things. I know not to panic but to just keep on plugging away and things will work out.

Lately, my fiancé has been getting a lot of recognition in her professional life. Things are really coming together for her and I honestly feel like she is just starting to scratch the surface. She is blessed and accomplished and has worked her ass of for decades to get to this point. The degree she earned in college is really starting to pay dividends, although I am finding out that often the work you do in college does not always pay  dividends early on but later on in life things seem to come together and then you really reap the rewards.

In the past a loved ones accomplishments would have really played on my own insecurities. I will admit this is something sometimes comes up but I have learned to work through it and realize that I too have a lot of worth as a person. I bring many things to the table in our relationship. Money is not one of them, but I do bring stability and support and I bring a sense of calmness, I bring a lack of chaos. I allow her to flourish without being the kind of guy who disrupts somebodys daily job by calling her all the time at work and pulling her away from her repsonsibilities and just bringing a lot of chaos that will hinder somebody from truly growing professionally. A lot of alcoholics are disruptive like that. They bring down everybody around them and I feel like in my fiances past there were men in her life that brought chaos, chaos that held her back from flourishing both emotionally and professionally. For awhile I pondered this issue. I wonder if I was wrong to think that somehow her success in fact is allowed to happen because of the still I bring to the relationship. I thought that maybe I was trying to take credit for something I have no business taking credit for. I have mulled this over but on Valentine’s day we had a heart to heart over dinner and although she didn’t use the same wordage that I just used she did intimate that what I just said about her success was true. I know I am not the reason for her success, she has earned everything she has achieved on her own but I am saying that the safety I bring allows her to be the woman she is capable of being and past men hindered her growth. I think that’s fair and I’ll take it.

Okay, a little bit more about me now. As far as my job goes it is a really basic menial job. I am on my feet all day and I do some really basic shit. The pay is crap but the hours are good and for now the overtime is very helpful. The benefits however are great. Medical,vision and dental are all paid for by the company, well after 6months the dental kicks in but still it is great. I get two weeks paid vacation a year and 5 paid sick days and we get 7 holidays a year. And most importantly I am getting paid in the currency of peace of mind. The job is stress free and we are allowed to have a lot of fun at work. we listen to music out loud and holler lyrics to songs and play games guessing who the artist is and what the name of the song is and even dance around a little bit at work. The big boss is very supportive and encourages a loose talkative fun atmosphere and puts it all in perspective and reminds us that we are a non profit and the mission is the autistic clients and mentally disabled clientele that we serve. We many employ many of our clients so I am connected to a cause that is near to my heart as I am on the autism spectrum, having Asperger’s syndrome.

Well, that is all for now. I hope I have time to check in more often. I miss connecting with my other writers and hope I can read more of others blogs soon. It would be really nice to connect and get some feedback from others that I used to touch base with more often. Bye for now.

 

 

Happiness

I was struggling to come up with a good topic so I decided to go with Happiness. I think that will work. Remember you can’t spell Happiness without penis. Here are some quotes.

“For every minute you are angry. You lose sixty seconds op happiness..” Ralp waldo Emerson.

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” Robert A. Heinlein

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be..” Abraham Lincoln

Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.”

Mahatma Ghandi

“happiness is not ready made. It comes from your own actions.”

Dalia Lama XIV

 

 

Dr King quotes

A few quotes from Dr Martin Luther King to get you going for the day

if you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.

I heard this one yesterday when I was listening to You Tube,

Then there is this one:

Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.
I just found that one today and I like it,

and my favorite Dr. King quote

My name is not negro, it’s Dr. King bitch

Okay he never said that but he could have.

This is a reprint from 2 months ago but I thought it was a timely idea to share it again.

It’s Martin Luther King Day. Who cares?

One of the things that always astonishes me is the disconnect people have with historical figures. In the united states we have 6 major historical figures that are celebrated with holidays. They are George Washington and Abraham Lincoln who are both celebrated with Presidents day. We have Dr. Martin Luther King day, Columbus day which celebrates Christopher Columbus who discovered the United states. We have Cesar Chavez the great farm labor organizer and of course Christmas which celebrates the birth of Christ. Despite the fact that we acknowledge all of these days and use them for an extra day off of work or in the case of Christmas it has become a way to bring our families together and bond with them as a whole we are largely disconnected from the people these holidays are designed to celebrate. Presidents day is a great excuse to have an extended weekend or sell cars. Dr Kings birthday has become an extra day off of work. Nobody gives a fuck about Columbus or in many cases they actually have great disdain for him and refuse to celebrate him. A small percentage of people connect with Chavez. To be clear, yes, I give a fuck, I do care about Dr King, I do connect with the impact he had on civil rights. I connect with his bravery, I connect because of his oratory skills, his spirituality and of course because of how greatly things are changing in the nearly 60 years since he began his movement.

I realize that I am coming from an American point of view and I have readers who are in other parts of the world such as Europe and India and Africa. I would like to know which leaders are celebrated in other parts of the world. What are the days on the calendar so to speak that are earmarked for leaders or historical figures such as Christmas day which celebrates Christ. I would also like to hear your opinions about whether you feel your citizens connect with the individual. How about Margaret Thatcher in the UK? Do people mention her and connect with her. Is there a day named after her? Or in India I am curious if Mahatma Ghandi has a day named after him. In conversation do people mention his name often and speak of his deeds? Of his hunger strike? Do they at least quote him often.

I make it a point from time to time to honor different historical figures in my blog. If you look up my past blogs you will finds that I have done a blog solely devoted to Dr King and one devoted to Ghandi and I have done Buddha quotes as well. I make it a point to educate people on historical figures, but more importantly to honor them, regardless if they are from my country or not, regardless of how recently they may have lived, regardless of whether or not we have the same skin color. Greatness is greatness, bravery is bravery and that is why today we need to think of and honor Dr Martin Luther King. Hopefully not just in the United states but across the world. I would love to hear your thoughts and feedback on the subject.

 

Letting go of the past

Hello and happy Sunday to all!

I figured maybe I should stay away from social commentary today and get back to the original purpose of the blog which is to express some of my thoughts on sobriety. There is an old writing adage which goes “write what you know.” And one of the things I do know well is sobriety.

Today at our AA meeting we were reading about not regretting the past nor wishing to shut the door on it. It’s a very familiar passage to those in AA. Us old-timers have read it hundreds and hundreds of times. One of the things I struggle with is being at complete ease with my past. This is what I mean by letting go of, being at ease and completely accepting my path in life and how it led me to where I am today.  In Particular, I often think about my dating history. I often think about women I had been attracted to in the past who may or may not have been attracted to me as well. To be blunt I fumbled away many opportunities, most times nothing happened at all and other times I would begin a relationship and then back out of it shortly after.

To put myself at ease I do have to remind myself that I am exactly where I want to be today in terms of my relationship. I am engaged and will get married later on this year. This helps put me at ease. I was discussing today why I cut so many of my relationships short. I was caught between my physical desires and my ideology about what type of woman I wanted to be with. In my early twenties I found myself attracted to the bad girl types. I wanted sex and lots of it. I wanted down and dirty porno style sex. So I found myself pursuing girls who appeared to be “easy.” I was able to find girls who were sexually adventurous but on the other hand I knew that I also really wanted to be with a good girl in terms of whom I would have a serious relationship with.  I wanted it all I suppose. I wanted high character girls, smart girls, thoughtful girls, ones who could match me in an intellectual discussion, who were highly opinionated and idealistic like myself but on the other hand I wanted to have sex and lots of it and I was also extremely shy and fearful so I figured out that the bad girl types were more likely to show their attraction towards me, to be more aggressive and less passive in their interest towards me. The good girl types were less obvious about their attraction towards me. They were more discreet.  Hence it made more sense for me to go after the bad girl types because of my fearfulness, my anxiety about putting myself out there and showing a genuine interest in a girl.

I often look bad and realize that I let go of some pretty good women. Women who yes, enjoyed some freaky sex but also were very good people. Thoughtful,kind, trustworthy people. To be honest I had some bias that sexually adventurous women may not have the character I was looking for. I feel bad that I would start a relationship with them and then end it because of my own biases and me not being comfortable with myself. I always wanted to settle down with a good girl, I am more at ease now than ever before because I have a good girl or I should say a good woman. She is smart, opinionated, of high character ,caring, successful, booksmart, educated,goal driven and trustworthy.  I have what I always wanted to have. And to be honest, sex is very low on the list of importance. Man were my priorities messed up. But when you are young sex is a big deal. I could probably write 50 pages on all of the dynamics that went into how I ended up being with the women I ended up with. But what matters is that I am happy with who I have.

 

Tell me what you see

Life is all about perspective. So much of how we percieve life, whether things are fair or unfair depends on what we choose to see. What we often fail to see is that we have more than 1 choice in terms of how we percieve a situation.

The topic came up today when my fiance mentioned the re-shooting of the movie All the Money in the World. It turns out that Mark Wahlberg made 1$ million dollars to re-shoot the scenes while Michelle Williams made 80$ a day per diem to do the same.

To many the knee jerk reaction is to cry gender descrimination. But that reaction only comes if you choose to see them first and foremost as a male and a female. Personally I primarily see Wahlberg as a huge box office draw and Williams not so much. In my mind that explains the wage gap. The choices of how I see things are endless. From a sheer talent perspective I think Williams acts circles around Wahlberg. Wahlberg is a very good actor but Williams is an elite actor. Or i could choose to see Mark Wahlberg as short or i could define him as a sex symbol or i could define Williams as a platinum blonde or as second fiddle to bigger stars. How i view the situation is all a matter of perspective.

My best sport is long distance running. I have ran 10k 5k half marathons and even an ultramarathon. One time i was looking at results for a major marathon and noticed the winner made 50,000dollars for the race. Then i realized a mediocre nfl quarterback will make 8million a year for a 16game season. That’s 500 thousand a game. Doesnt seem fair does it? In both instances i am talking about men. The difference is the amount of money generated by the two sports. The Nfl generates crazy amounts of revenue. Aint nobody paying 5,000 to watch the new york city marathon. You watch it for free. But people will pay that much for a chance to watch the Supet bowl.

You see Michelle Williams is like the elite marathon runner. Yes, she may be better at what she does but Mark Wahlberg is the money generator. People are paying to watch him, fair or not, thats the way it is. Track the revenue generated by wahlberg movies such as transformers and track the money made by the greatest showman. Williams makes better movies Wahlberg makes money.

This is the lesson of life. Whenever something seems unfair assume it is fair and then look to see how it is in fact fair. You might surprise yourself.

How to tell if you are ghetto

I was in the bank today and on my way out I came up with a surefire genius way to quickly determine what type of person you are. Basically there are 3 types of people.

On my way out of the bank I discovered that next to the teller was a bowl of dum dums which are just really tiny suckers. I am not much for hard candy so I passed them up but before i left the bank i had figured out that amongst the sucker takers of the world there are basically 3 types of people. Here they are:

1 The normal decent kind human being. A decent citizen of the world says to himself. Hey i would like a sucker and he takes one. Then he leaves and goes on his merry way.

2. The ghetto bastard. The ghetto bastard says hey a bowl of suckers ill have 1 now and take a bunch more for later. He waits until the teller is not looking and crams 15 into his pocket and walks out the door.

3. The super ghetto bastard. The super ghetto bastard says hey look a beautiful bowl that has candy in it. I can sell the bowl for 5 dollars at my next garage sale. He then grabs the whole fucking bowl and runs out of the bank with it. Then he sells it at his garage sale AND he takes the candy and brings to his next potluck at work so he doesnt have to spend any of his own money.

Luckily for the world most sucker afficinados fall into category one and a small fraction are in category 2 but its the super ghetto bastards that end up ruining it for everybody like the assholes at my movie theater who stole the little containers of popcorn seasoning that was so tasty. We used to be able to use them for free but now we have to buy them for $1.50 so some guy got a few free small bottles of seasoning but if he wasnt so ghetto he would still be getting free seasoning at the movies several years later.

Football Picks

Today is most definitely a good day. It’s National championship day! One of my sports pet peeves is when somebody after the fact says “oh i knew they were gonna win.”. So what i’m going to do is make my predictions now for the national championship game between Alabama and Georgia and give you my super bowl picks.

First im picking georgia to win. Lets call it 27-23 dawgs.

Now on to the nfl. I am calling minnesota vs pittsburgh to meet in the super bowl. Going with minnesota to win easily by 2 touchdowns 24-10.

If you got the guts let me hear it. What are your football picks?

 

2017 favorites

Happy Saturday everyone

So i thought i would check in while i have a little time and do a post about some of my favorite things from the past year

Favorite football team that i now root for. My old standbys are the cal bears in college football and the 49ers and broncos in the nfl. However i have a new tradition where i adopt a team for a year. This year i adopted the wisconsin badgers and they did awesome. 13 and 1 with a huge bowl victory over miami.

Favorite new show to watch

The good doctor. This stars freddie highmore ad a young doctor who has autism. Very well acted and i really like the depth and humanity of the characters. I also enjoy watching him interact with his love interest and he has a great support system.

Favorite movie

Patty cakes. This is the ultimate gritty underdog story with heart. Its quirky hilarious and heartfelt and best of all not mainstream its about a heavy set white girl from new jersey pursuing a career in hip hop. You totally root for her and her squad of misfits

Favorite new hobby

Blogging. I have always had a need to be creative and expressive and most importantly be heard. The community has been fantastic so here i am to stay.

Favorite place i visited

Oahu. 4 days on the beach. Authentic fancy ass ramen. A zoo. No work. It was awesome.