I hope everybody is having a great weekend so far. Mine has been pretty good and I am feeling like I am in a good space at this time. So it is a great time to just check in and provide an update on what is going on with me.
I haven’t taken a lot of time to write lately but not because things are hectic or not going well but mainly because I have just needed to slow a bit and have some “do nothing time.” Okay, I guess that sounds like things were hectic but it’s more accurate to say that things were busy.
Life has been great, just busy that’s all. For about 3 months I was writing prolificly. Then things slowed down and then they just came to a halt. Well, when I really was writing often I was out of a job. There was a big transition in my life. After 9 plus years at my old job they ended up laying everybody off and the business sold what they could to another company. So in between jobs I wrote just about daily, often twice and also made sure to give myself a lot of routine. I thrive with routine. So I would write often, go to the gym and hit 7AM AA meetings about 6 days a week. This kept me busy in a good way, a very good way and kept me from from feeling useless and without an identity.
Well,, since I started working again life has kept me busy. I have been working 6 days a week for some time now, happily taking the overtime and I still hit the gym 4 times a week and make time to hit about 4 AA meetings a week but now I do it in the afternoon, and I have a relationship to nurture and oh yes by the way we are getting married in October so we are in the early stages of planning for that. My fiancé is going dress shopping today which is allowing me time to write this before I of course head to the gym to hit the treadmill. So yeah, that is why the writing has slacked off tremendously. Something had to give. Instead of writing for an hour or hour and a half I am using that time to connect with my fiancé, even if it’s just watching some music show or a silly sitcom.
Life has been good lately, very good. With all the overtime at work I have been able to work on paying off a medical bill that showed upin my mailbox some 6months after I was taken to the hospital. Just when you think everything is taken care of they hit you with a bill. I also am paying back my dad for a loan he gave me to buy the wedding ring. Slowly but surely the bill and loan are getting paid back and the sense of responsibility feels really good. I take a lot of pride in making that happen, so yes, it is actually good for me. This may sound crazy to some but I think an alcoholic may be able to relate to what I am saying. I am also trying to save up about 1200$ for some of the wedding expenses and I happy that I will be able to juggle all those bills and take care of all those different things. Things that for most of my life would have overwhelmed me no longer feel unattainable. I am blessed with a confidence that these are doable things. I know not to panic but to just keep on plugging away and things will work out.
Lately, my fiancé has been getting a lot of recognition in her professional life. Things are really coming together for her and I honestly feel like she is just starting to scratch the surface. She is blessed and accomplished and has worked her ass of for decades to get to this point. The degree she earned in college is really starting to pay dividends, although I am finding out that often the work you do in college does not always pay dividends early on but later on in life things seem to come together and then you really reap the rewards.
In the past a loved ones accomplishments would have really played on my own insecurities. I will admit this is something sometimes comes up but I have learned to work through it and realize that I too have a lot of worth as a person. I bring many things to the table in our relationship. Money is not one of them, but I do bring stability and support and I bring a sense of calmness, I bring a lack of chaos. I allow her to flourish without being the kind of guy who disrupts somebodys daily job by calling her all the time at work and pulling her away from her repsonsibilities and just bringing a lot of chaos that will hinder somebody from truly growing professionally. A lot of alcoholics are disruptive like that. They bring down everybody around them and I feel like in my fiances past there were men in her life that brought chaos, chaos that held her back from flourishing both emotionally and professionally. For awhile I pondered this issue. I wonder if I was wrong to think that somehow her success in fact is allowed to happen because of the still I bring to the relationship. I thought that maybe I was trying to take credit for something I have no business taking credit for. I have mulled this over but on Valentine’s day we had a heart to heart over dinner and although she didn’t use the same wordage that I just used she did intimate that what I just said about her success was true. I know I am not the reason for her success, she has earned everything she has achieved on her own but I am saying that the safety I bring allows her to be the woman she is capable of being and past men hindered her growth. I think that’s fair and I’ll take it.
Okay, a little bit more about me now. As far as my job goes it is a really basic menial job. I am on my feet all day and I do some really basic shit. The pay is crap but the hours are good and for now the overtime is very helpful. The benefits however are great. Medical,vision and dental are all paid for by the company, well after 6months the dental kicks in but still it is great. I get two weeks paid vacation a year and 5 paid sick days and we get 7 holidays a year. And most importantly I am getting paid in the currency of peace of mind. The job is stress free and we are allowed to have a lot of fun at work. we listen to music out loud and holler lyrics to songs and play games guessing who the artist is and what the name of the song is and even dance around a little bit at work. The big boss is very supportive and encourages a loose talkative fun atmosphere and puts it all in perspective and reminds us that we are a non profit and the mission is the autistic clients and mentally disabled clientele that we serve. We many employ many of our clients so I am connected to a cause that is near to my heart as I am on the autism spectrum, having Asperger’s syndrome.
Well, that is all for now. I hope I have time to check in more often. I miss connecting with my other writers and hope I can read more of others blogs soon. It would be really nice to connect and get some feedback from others that I used to touch base with more often. Bye for now.