Happiness

I was struggling to come up with a good topic so I decided to go with Happiness. I think that will work. Remember you can’t spell Happiness without penis. Here are some quotes.

“For every minute you are angry. You lose sixty seconds op happiness..” Ralp waldo Emerson.

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” Robert A. Heinlein

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be..” Abraham Lincoln

Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.”

Mahatma Ghandi

“happiness is not ready made. It comes from your own actions.”

Dalia Lama XIV

 

 

It’s Martin Luther King Day. Who cares?

One of the things that always astonishes me is the disconnect people have with historical figures. In the united states we have 6 major historical figures that are celebrated with holidays. They are George Washington and Abraham Lincoln who are both celebrated with Presidents day. We have Dr. Martin Luther King day, Columbus day which celebrates Christopher Columbus who discovered the United states. We have Cesar Chavez the great farm labor organizer and of course Christmas which celebrates the birth of Christ. Despite the fact that we acknowledge all of these days and use them for an extra day off of work or in the case of Christmas it has become a way to bring our families together and bond with them as a whole we are largely disconnected from the people these holidays are designed to celebrate. Presidents day is a great excuse to have an extended weekend or sell cars. Dr Kings birthday has become an extra day off of work. Nobody gives a fuck about Columbus or in many cases they actually have great disdain for him and refuse to celebrate him. A small percentage of people connect with Chavez. To be clear, yes, I give a fuck, I do care about Dr King, I do connect with the impact he had on civil rights. I connect with his bravery, I connect because of his oratory skills, his spirituality and of course because of how greatly things are changing in the nearly 60 years since he began his movement.

I realize that I am coming from an American point of view and I have readers who are in other parts of the world such as Europe and India and Africa. I would like to know which leaders are celebrated in other parts of the world. What are the days on the calendar so to speak that are earmarked for leaders or historical figures such as Christmas day which celebrates Christ. I would also like to hear your opinions about whether you feel your citizens connect with the individual. How about Margaret Thatcher in the UK? Do people mention her and connect with her. Is there a day named after her? Or in India I am curious if Mahatma Ghandi has a day named after him. In conversation do people mention his name often and speak of his deeds? Of his hunger strike? Do they at least quote him often.

I make it a point from time to time to honor different historical figures in my blog. If you look up my past blogs you will finds that I have done a blog solely devoted to Dr King and one devoted to Ghandi and I have done Buddha quotes as well. I make it a point to educate people on historical figures, but more importantly to honor them, regardless if they are from my country or not, regardless of how recently they may have lived, regardless of whether or not we have the same skin color. Greatness is greatness, bravery is bravery and that is why today we need to think of and honor Dr Martin Luther King. Hopefully not just in the United states but across the world. I would love to hear your thoughts and feedback on the subject.

 

Tell me what you see

Life is all about perspective. So much of how we percieve life, whether things are fair or unfair depends on what we choose to see. What we often fail to see is that we have more than 1 choice in terms of how we percieve a situation.

The topic came up today when my fiance mentioned the re-shooting of the movie All the Money in the World. It turns out that Mark Wahlberg made 1$ million dollars to re-shoot the scenes while Michelle Williams made 80$ a day per diem to do the same.

To many the knee jerk reaction is to cry gender descrimination. But that reaction only comes if you choose to see them first and foremost as a male and a female. Personally I primarily see Wahlberg as a huge box office draw and Williams not so much. In my mind that explains the wage gap. The choices of how I see things are endless. From a sheer talent perspective I think Williams acts circles around Wahlberg. Wahlberg is a very good actor but Williams is an elite actor. Or i could choose to see Mark Wahlberg as short or i could define him as a sex symbol or i could define Williams as a platinum blonde or as second fiddle to bigger stars. How i view the situation is all a matter of perspective.

My best sport is long distance running. I have ran 10k 5k half marathons and even an ultramarathon. One time i was looking at results for a major marathon and noticed the winner made 50,000dollars for the race. Then i realized a mediocre nfl quarterback will make 8million a year for a 16game season. That’s 500 thousand a game. Doesnt seem fair does it? In both instances i am talking about men. The difference is the amount of money generated by the two sports. The Nfl generates crazy amounts of revenue. Aint nobody paying 5,000 to watch the new york city marathon. You watch it for free. But people will pay that much for a chance to watch the Supet bowl.

You see Michelle Williams is like the elite marathon runner. Yes, she may be better at what she does but Mark Wahlberg is the money generator. People are paying to watch him, fair or not, thats the way it is. Track the revenue generated by wahlberg movies such as transformers and track the money made by the greatest showman. Williams makes better movies Wahlberg makes money.

This is the lesson of life. Whenever something seems unfair assume it is fair and then look to see how it is in fact fair. You might surprise yourself.

Football Picks

Today is most definitely a good day. It’s National championship day! One of my sports pet peeves is when somebody after the fact says “oh i knew they were gonna win.”. So what i’m going to do is make my predictions now for the national championship game between Alabama and Georgia and give you my super bowl picks.

First im picking georgia to win. Lets call it 27-23 dawgs.

Now on to the nfl. I am calling minnesota vs pittsburgh to meet in the super bowl. Going with minnesota to win easily by 2 touchdowns 24-10.

If you got the guts let me hear it. What are your football picks?

 

The Big Relationship Dont’s

Happy Thursday everybody. I will admit I decidedly enjoy thinking of ways to just piss of my spouse. I don’t do them but after 14 years of being with the same woman it’s just natural to have some kind of mean fantasies related to your partner. It’s okay to think about them you just can’t actually do them. Here are some of my favorite don’t try this at home suggestions.

When introducing your partner to a friend do not regardless of how much weight she has put on recently refer to her as your “other two-thirds.”

If you happen to be a few years younger than your partner and you look really good for your age if your friend says to you “Is that your mother?” DO not under any circumstance smirk,smile,laugh or take any joy in the comment while in her presence.

If you meet a friend of hers and they say to you “Oh, you’re a lucky man” refrain from all temptation and do not say “Lucky???” “have you seen my junk. She’s lucky. My ass!!! Lucky?”

Now I have some friendly advice about what not to do when trying to pick up women.

  1. Don’t say “I don’t care about looks.” Yes, I know it makes you seem like this super evolved male, devoid of shallowness, full of integrity man of the fucking century kind of guy, I get it. But look at it this way. When I was dating I used to always emphasize that I did indeed care about looks. If I say I don’t care about looks and ask  out the woman what validation do you get out of that? If I say yes, I do care if a woman is good looking and you ask her out “Voila!!!” validation. You just confirmed that she met your standard. I think a girl wants to know that you have standards, some standards and that she has met them. But no looks should not be the only think you care about. When I hear “I don’t care about looks” from a man I am thinking, he has no standards and if he asks you out all you simply had to be was “nice’. What challenge is that? That’s a low bar to clear.
  2. DO not take a girl to an all you can eat buffet on the first date. Nothing says I’m a greedy guy always looking to get the most out of a situation trying to get the most bang for the least buck like an all you can eat. You can do that later on in an established relationship. Everybody does, I do, but you can’t set the tone like that. Show that you are not just all about you, show that you have some class, that you are willing to spend some dough and you don’t always have to get over and get the most out of a situation. And if the girl is fat, you’re really gonna piss her off by taking her to an all you can eat on the first date.3. Do not go in without a plan. When I was dating I would do some really prick things. I did classy things, but I also did some prick things. When I was in my mid twenties I was well above average looking so my perspective on things may be a bit skewed, okay it is ,but I was used to getting attention from all sorts of angles, men,twenty something women, 30 something women, flat out cougars, I go flirted with a lot. Anyhow I always hated vague requests. “Would you like to hang out sometime?” to me, it’s half-assed, shows a lack of effort. One time a co-worker girl, about my age told me she would like to wash my hair. I had really long hair, but I admit that line was only used on me only  once. Anyhow, I agreed that she could wash my hair and that was that. We saw each other a few more times at work over the next week, had some conversations and eventually like a week later she asked me when I would like her to come over so she could wash my hair. Now I admit, I probably freaked out a bit,got a bit anxious, didn’t know how to move things forward and what not and reacted not so kindly. I stone-walled her. I said “I don’t know.” mic drop. I wanted her to move things forward. The onus was on her. She showed the interest in me. I wanted her to have a plan. Pick a time. Any fucking time. Hey,how about 7pm Thursday at my place? Then we could go from there. Whenever I would get the nerve to ask a girl out, which was rare, I would have a specific plan. “Hey would you like to go out at 7 on Sunday and watch that new Robert Deniro movie that’s playing on the west side of town.” She can outright say no, or say yes or suggest an alternative plan but at least I came correct, I had a plan. I thought things out, I took a chance.

    Other Relationship don’ts to women from me

    1.Don’t get a whole shit load of information from a guy and then keep all of your information to yourself. Okay this comes from experience. This is what I mean. I had a girl ask me how I felt about her, she asked me if I could see us in a relationship. Okay, my answer was screwed, I said I could have sex with her but didn’t want a relationship. So of course, I got neither. But what pissed me off about the whole thing, is that she got answers from me, she didn’t have to guess, and do you think I didn’t realize what was going to happen when I said what I said? Of course I did but I gave her the legit god’s truth answer. Basically she got to keep her cards to herself. She got her answer but she never had to divulge anything to me. She never had to say how she felt. I f she liked me she should have said well I really liked you and I wanted more and that’s too bad. But I never got that. She got confirmation that I was sexually attracted to her and I go no confirmation. I think it’s bullshit.  Show some courage. If a guy says he’s not into you or whatever let him know hey that’s too bad I liked you, I won’t make you guess, I won’t play a game, I was legit interested. Why is it so hard for people to say these things.  Every man in the history of mankind who has ever expressed an interest in a woman has had his personal shit broadcast to all other women on the planet. When a man likes a woman she makes damn sure everybody else knows she got hit on, it could be by an ugly toad and she will tell somebody, so you know what maybe men deserve to know that they were liked too.      And yes I have had many, I mean many a woman express an interest in me and I spared their dignity and didn’t tell a soul, even though it would have fed my ego and let the world know I was wanted.

    2.Don’t mention IRL that another guy is good looking. If you watch the tv or a movie that’s one thing but just don’t go telling us how this guy at work is so handsome. For fuck’s sake, have some consideration.

  3. Don’t take leftovers home on one of the first few dates. Nothing says I will milk every situation for everything I can possibly get like taking home leftovers from a meal. One of my major pet peeves. If I wanted to take you grocery shopping I would have just taken you to a supermarket. The purpose of the date was to spend some nice time with you and also have a meal in the process. I hope to God you at least have groceries in your own home and you are capable of feeding yourself for the rest of the week. I was not offering to fill up your fridge for the week. Eat the meal and if you don’t finish it leave it. Haven’t you ever seen Million dollar baby? there are starving waitresses out there. So that’s that. Another stellar edition. Men got bagged on. Women got bagged on. I got to vent. And I got to unleash some of my relationship fantasies on all of you all. Have a great day.

 

Answers to yesterday’s trivia revealed

Hello Everybody! For those of you who read yesterday’s music quotes. Here is the reveal to who said what.

A. I”d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not-Curt Cobain

B.  There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe-Frank Zappa

C.  No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky-Bob Dylan

D.  When I die I want people to play my music go wild and freak out and do anything they want to do-Jimi Hendrix

E.  Expose yourself to your deepest fear. After that fear has no power. You are free-Jim Morrison

Bonus Info!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you know? Curt Cobain’s first band was called Fecal Matter. Ain’t that the shit?

Did you Know? Bob Dylan was born Robert Allen Zimmerman. Why not call yourself RAZ?

Did you know? Jim Morrison was influenced by Friedrich Nietzsche-I am not surprised by this.

Did you know Franz Zappa had a daughter named Moon Unit. What a weirdo!

Did you know? Jimi Hendrix paid 5$ for his first electric guitar. Wonder what’s worth now!!!

 

Who said it?

 

Alright this will be a quick one.

Match the quote with the musician

A. I”d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not

B. There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe

C. No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky

D. When I die I want people to play my music go wild and freak out and  do anything they want to do.

E. Expose yourself to your deepest fear. After that fear has no power. You are free,

The five musicians are

Jim Morrison,Jimi Hendrix,Frank Zappa,Bob Dylan and Curt Cobain.

I will reveal the answers tomorrow. Feel free to leave your guess in the comment section.

 

Assessing your priorities

The subject of priorities has crossed my mind several times in the last week. It came up at an AA meeting when I was thinking about the key to sobriety. It came up in a blog post I read when somebody was talking about their looks. It has often crossed my mind whenever I hear the age old comment “I want a guy who’s nice.” Or “I like a guy who has a good sense of humor. Or my personal favorite ” I want a guy with a good personality.” What people value always baffles me. I always wonder why nobody ever says “I want a guy with with good character.” Guys with good personality get girls, guys with good character get married.

I have so many opinions about the sense of humor thing. To be honest, when I was searching for a girlfriend I never valued a good sense of humor. Funny girls are great to be friends with but I don’t find it attractive. When a girl makes me laugh I don’t say to myself this is a person whom I want as a soulmate, this is a person whom I want to get deep and personal with. In a sense it is a romantic turn off. Think about it. If somebody is always funny, if that is their main personality trait do you ever say to yourself “why would I want to get serious with somebody who isn’t serious?” I have. To be honest, a good sense of humor would not even crack my top 5 list of personality traits that I value in a partner. In a friend, oh hell yes, but our partners are more than just mere friends with the right genitalia right? I hope to God you say yes. Personally Personally I value honesty,kindness,openness,warmth,depth,intelligence.opinions,charisma,good listening skills,people who communicate interactively rather than just speak in monologues to you and exclusively want an audience,punctuality,being articulate, being appreciative,idealistic,moralistic, I really don’t give a fuck if my partner is funny, she is by the way, but If I were to describe her in 5 words funny would not be in that top 5 and yes I am that guy who will not be with a woman whom I am not physically attractive to but like I said it’s not one of the top 5 most important things to me. Take a minute and think about what you value in a relationship. Now take a minute and think about what you value in a friendship. If you were to make a list the difference between a partner and a friend should be huge. They serve much different purposes. Your friend can be shallow and one dimensional. Your friend can always be that funny guy or girl but you need more out of your partner. Your friend can be that person who tells 45 minute stories but your partner better shut the fuck up and listen to you. You can deal with a selfish prick of a friend but a selfish prick of a partner will be overwhelming. A friend who borrows 20 dollars and never pays you back is annoying a partner with that mentality might sell your bleeping car to support their drug habit.

When thinking about sobriety I always come back to the first trait that I mentioned when looking for a partner, honesty. that wasn’t a coincidence that it came first. To me when somebody wonders how to stay sober it always comes down to how honest are you. To take it a further level how comfortable are you with the truth? With your truth? Have you learned to accept the inconvenient truths in your life? Have you learned to make peace with the fact that you grew up in a broken home, or that you were physically abused,sexually abused, emotionally abused or abandoned by a parent? Until you learn to be comfortable with your truth, your inconvenient as fuck truth you will not be able to truthfully recognize at all times that you are powerless over alcohol, you will not be able to recognize that your life is unmanageable with alcohol if you have not practiced being comfortable with your hard truths. In simple terms this is called acceptance.

In terms of other aspects of our life I have noticed an over emphasis on looks in our society. Yes, I appreciate a good looking woman but I don’t over emphasize it or make it the only thing I see or value in a woman. If I compliment a woman on her looks personally it also comes with an acknowledgement of her other good qualities. “You are smart a great writer very articulate and also gorgeous. ” I think that’s okay. What is not okay with me and never be is the shallowness of the red carpet on Oscar night. I love movies so I always watch the Oscars but I can not stand this overemphasis on the fashion. For instance, if Jennifer Lawrence walks down the red carpet and she looks amazing they will see “Here’s Jennifer Lawrnce, she is wearing Vera wang and she looks amazing.” How come they don’t say “Here’s Jennifer Lawrence, 4 time academy award nominee,best friends with Amy Schumer and oh yeah she looks hot as balls.” That would be okay with me, Once again people priorities. Why is fashion and beauty seemingly so high on the list of priorities? This is fucking with women all over the world. We need to make it less of a priority. We should look at beauty the same way we look at great athletes. If a person hears of a soccer player that is absolutely amazing they  can admire his skill, they can admire that he is at the top but you know they don’t think of themselves as less than or get depressed that they are  not an amazing soccer player. It goes as far as man I wish I was that good, oh well fuck it, life goes on. How come we can’t do with with beauty. Hey there’s Sofia Vergara she looks amazing that is awesome. I wish I looked that good, I don’t, fuck it, life goes on. But that’s not the way it is. The world has overemphasized beauty, yes, we can appreciate it but like I said when Jennnifer Lawrence walks down that red carpet let us emphasize her achievements first, something personal second and then the shallow shit like her fashion sense and beauty can be acknowledge and appreciated but let’s not lose sight that her beauty and she is a beauty is not even close to being the noteworthy thing about her. So once again I ask you what do you value? Why?

What if Darth Vader came to your AA meeting?

A long time I wrote a blog about learning to have patience and tolerance for those that bother you while at a meeting. I wrote about how ultimately our goal should not be tolerance. Tolerance is when something bothers you but you don’t don’t punch them in the dick. Acceptance is when you are no longer bothered by those persons actions. If at first you are tolerating behavior then you need to strive for acceptance. Nobody is happy living a life where they tolerate stuff but people are very happy when they learn to accept things.

I am proud to say that I am moving really close to acceptance of another annoying person in our meeting. I am  at the point where this persons marginally bothers me and seconds later I am able to move forward and have a good meeting. I will refer to this girl as Darth Vader. Why? Well we all know what today is and I can actually hear this woman breathe from all the way across the room every single time I see her at a meeting. First this used to annoy the shit out of me but I am overcoming the annoyance. At first this girl was darth vader in every single way. I mean, she doesn’t pay attention to other people, she smacks her food like an equine and she sounds like James earl jones at every meeting, just breathing really heavily all the way across the room some 35 feet away and I can always hear her. I ma quickly learning not to put expectations on other people. I am learning to not get upset when people do things differently than I would. I would not be on my cell phone extensively throughout a meeting. I turn my phone off and it never comes on during the meeting. For that hour the meeting is the most important thing in my day. It is exactly what I want to be doing. I get very self conscious about eating noise levels during a meeting. II will eat, it is very common and acceptable at our meeting but if I am smacking and sound like a thoroughbred I will be very aware and stop eating. But not everybody thinks like I do and I accept that. There is a part of me that would just like to be a complete asshole for a day. I think that’s why I am initially bothered. I would like to be Darth Vader for a day. I would like to breathe really fucking loudly, I know, I know, the girl can’t help it, it’s not rude I get it, but nonetheless it is distracting with or without blame to an individual. I would like to eat really loudly and smack my food and just be free to do whatever the fuck I want without being self-conscious and worry about bothering others. Maybe I want to be the guy who is on his cell phone for 40 minutes and then speaks for the last 20 minutes of the meeting. Maybe I would just like to be completely impolite for a day. Maybe I just resent my own discipline a bit. But all in all, I know it’s best to be courteous and I don’t really want to be the on the cell phone for 40 minutes guy or the smack my food so the whole room can hear it guy I just think having a lot of discipline can be taxing. And the freedom that some people have makes me a bit jealous.

Kickin it old school

Sometimes when we are stressed out with life or we just don’t what to do with ourselves or how to spend our time and keep ourselves occupied we just need to kind of step back and think of a time when we were more innocent and pure and just simple. We need to kick it old school!

I was trying to think of what to write about and I started thinking about staying sober. One of the things we wonder is,what do I do with my time now that I am not drinking? What do I spend my money on? Have you ever heard of the phrase, keep on doing what you’ve been doing and you will keep getting what you’ve got?

Well a thought about that has come to mind. I think to myself, before I ever took a drink there were things that I liked to do. At the beginning of your life you found things to do that did not include drinking, so I figured I have to go back to that every so often. I have to partake in simple childlike activities. Early in my life before the troubles started there were simple things I enjoyed, things that did not get me in my trouble. Isn’t most of our trouble due to us doing adult things. Like gambling,sex,drugs,drinking? So why not keep some of your youthful innocent habits?

When I was in Highschool I was on the cross country running team. As an adult well into sobriety I re-took up running. I find that very helpful and it helps reduce anxiety for me. I have always loved the movies so I make sure that movies are a frequent part of my life. Gambling is not something that is a consistent part of my life. If we go on a trip and we are near a casino we will spend some time and money there but it is not a regular or consistent occurrence. It is not something we consistently plan to do and we make sure that is a rare indulgence and not a habit.

Recently, we have taken up rock painting. What makes it even more fun is that we go on missions every Sunday to put them in various places around the neighborhood. There is a specific church that gets a rock from me every Sunday. Last week, it got two, one from me and one from my fiance. Nice, innocent childlike hobby, it keeps us out of trouble and the simplicity gives us joy. The giving back makes us feel good. We often speculate as to what people are thinking when they see a random rock show up at their doorstep or at the church? We wonder how long it takes before they realize this is an intentional ploy. My fiance wonders how long it will take before it becomes a sermon by the pastor. Who knows? But it is fun to think about. There is one apartment complex that has gotten a rock painted with a green base and gold lettering with the word hope one week followed by love and flow the next weeks. Is there one person who now looks for the rock every week? Or are different people gathering the rock each week? Is this a pattern that nobody knows is a pattern?

These last couple of months I have been spending time at the library doing these posts. I have been reminded that I used to spend a lot of time at the library when I was younger. Not on the computer, but reading books. I would often go the library and just randomly pick up a book and stand there are read it for 30-45 minutes at a time. When I felt like I had enough I would put the book back. I did this alot at malls as well. I would pick up magazines or books read them and put them back. I am not sure why I have always been fond of this but I think I just like quiet peaceful hobbies. I do well with seclusion I suppose. Anyhow those are my thoughts for the day, whenever you are unsure of what to do, relax keep it simple and kick it old school.