This is a reprint of my first post ever from back in September.
Welcome everybody to my first post. I am Danny W and I am an alcoholic. I have 21years of sobriety and opened this blog to share what I have learned in my 21 years of sobriety. I hope you learn something from my blogs but really sometimes I question what I really have to offer the alcoholic in need. By writing down my thoughts I hope to find out.
What do you tell someone who is struggling to stay sober? Is there a plaque on the wall I can point to and say there it is, there is your answer? When asking myself how do I help the alcoholic who is still struggling I always come back to honesty.
In order to stay sober we have to always know we are powerless over alcohol. Not just in good times,not just at meetings but also when that truth is inconvenient and we want to convince ourselves that drinking is a reasonable solution.
The key is rigorous honesty. There are many types of honesty. For instance there is the type of honesty where what we say is true. There is the type of honesty where you payback your loans you pay for everything you take from the grocery store and you leave that unattended purse alone. Those are important but what I’m talking about is next level stuff what I like to call jedi level honesty.
Jedi level honesty will save you and your relationships with people. I’ll give you an example. At my fellowship there was a member who constantly got on my nerves. He talked twice as long as everyone else and then he’d double dip and talk some more. When he secretaried meetings he’d cross talk about other peoples shares and editorialize after the readings. Then if that wasn’t enough after the meetings he would seemingly talk for 5minutes straight before giving anyone else time to respond. This guy really pissed me off.
My first response was one of anger. I would give this guy an attitude and criticize him. I felt like I could change him. Maybe if I yelled at him he would change. Soon after I realized he got yelled at all the time by lots of people. That wasn’t going to work. Then I thought that this is the type of guy who won’t change unless he takes an ass kicking. Then I realized that I am not violent and I don’t really wish that upon him. I got angrier and angrier because I was powerless over him. Then the lightbulb went on in my head.
In order for me to make peace with myself I had to take a deep look at myself and see what was wrong with me that I was so bothered by this man. I realized I was pained by a deep rooted sense of feeling unheard. This man reminded me of childhood issues where I felt like I was never given my time to speak,my time to take center stage. I realized changing myself is a lot easier than changing the world or anybody in it.
Now when I deal with this man my tone is changed. I am not filled with bitterness and I can be civil and I don’t allow the situation to fill me with bitterness. I am not angry because he won’t or can not change. I am now empowered because I am able to see that it is I who needs to change.