How to tell if you are ghetto

I was in the bank today and on my way out I came up with a surefire genius way to quickly determine what type of person you are. Basically there are 3 types of people.

On my way out of the bank I discovered that next to the teller was a bowl of dum dums which are just really tiny suckers. I am not much for hard candy so I passed them up but before i left the bank i had figured out that amongst the sucker takers of the world there are basically 3 types of people. Here they are:

1 The normal decent kind human being. A decent citizen of the world says to himself. Hey i would like a sucker and he takes one. Then he leaves and goes on his merry way.

2. The ghetto bastard. The ghetto bastard says hey a bowl of suckers ill have 1 now and take a bunch more for later. He waits until the teller is not looking and crams 15 into his pocket and walks out the door.

3. The super ghetto bastard. The super ghetto bastard says hey look a beautiful bowl that has candy in it. I can sell the bowl for 5 dollars at my next garage sale. He then grabs the whole fucking bowl and runs out of the bank with it. Then he sells it at his garage sale AND he takes the candy and brings to his next potluck at work so he doesnt have to spend any of his own money.

Luckily for the world most sucker afficinados fall into category one and a small fraction are in category 2 but its the super ghetto bastards that end up ruining it for everybody like the assholes at my movie theater who stole the little containers of popcorn seasoning that was so tasty. We used to be able to use them for free but now we have to buy them for $1.50 so some guy got a few free small bottles of seasoning but if he wasnt so ghetto he would still be getting free seasoning at the movies several years later.

2 thoughts on “How to tell if you are ghetto

  1. Lol, yup, I’ve met all three. I remember when I was at university, they left the coffee machine and teabags set up in a room for meetings. I’d study there overnight. One day, a bunch of rowdy people were there so I said I’d wait to get some.

    Imagine my surprise when they took everything. They even took the cups, meaning that no one else would be able to have any. I can’t stand people like that.

    (Just an FYI, the word ‘ghetto’ has some serious negative connotations. I got what you meant but when I saw the title I was like, ‘wait… what?’. Maybe the word tacky or classless would be a better fit!)


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