Happy Thursday everybody. I will admit I decidedly enjoy thinking of ways to just piss of my spouse. I don’t do them but after 14 years of being with the same woman it’s just natural to have some kind of mean fantasies related to your partner. It’s okay to think about them you just can’t actually do them. Here are some of my favorite don’t try this at home suggestions.
When introducing your partner to a friend do not regardless of how much weight she has put on recently refer to her as your “other two-thirds.”
If you happen to be a few years younger than your partner and you look really good for your age if your friend says to you “Is that your mother?” DO not under any circumstance smirk,smile,laugh or take any joy in the comment while in her presence.
If you meet a friend of hers and they say to you “Oh, you’re a lucky man” refrain from all temptation and do not say “Lucky???” “have you seen my junk. She’s lucky. My ass!!! Lucky?”
Now I have some friendly advice about what not to do when trying to pick up women.
- Don’t say “I don’t care about looks.” Yes, I know it makes you seem like this super evolved male, devoid of shallowness, full of integrity man of the fucking century kind of guy, I get it. But look at it this way. When I was dating I used to always emphasize that I did indeed care about looks. If I say I don’t care about looks and ask out the woman what validation do you get out of that? If I say yes, I do care if a woman is good looking and you ask her out “Voila!!!” validation. You just confirmed that she met your standard. I think a girl wants to know that you have standards, some standards and that she has met them. But no looks should not be the only think you care about. When I hear “I don’t care about looks” from a man I am thinking, he has no standards and if he asks you out all you simply had to be was “nice’. What challenge is that? That’s a low bar to clear.
- DO not take a girl to an all you can eat buffet on the first date. Nothing says I’m a greedy guy always looking to get the most out of a situation trying to get the most bang for the least buck like an all you can eat. You can do that later on in an established relationship. Everybody does, I do, but you can’t set the tone like that. Show that you are not just all about you, show that you have some class, that you are willing to spend some dough and you don’t always have to get over and get the most out of a situation. And if the girl is fat, you’re really gonna piss her off by taking her to an all you can eat on the first date.3. Do not go in without a plan. When I was dating I would do some really prick things. I did classy things, but I also did some prick things. When I was in my mid twenties I was well above average looking so my perspective on things may be a bit skewed, okay it is ,but I was used to getting attention from all sorts of angles, men,twenty something women, 30 something women, flat out cougars, I go flirted with a lot. Anyhow I always hated vague requests. “Would you like to hang out sometime?” to me, it’s half-assed, shows a lack of effort. One time a co-worker girl, about my age told me she would like to wash my hair. I had really long hair, but I admit that line was only used on me only once. Anyhow, I agreed that she could wash my hair and that was that. We saw each other a few more times at work over the next week, had some conversations and eventually like a week later she asked me when I would like her to come over so she could wash my hair. Now I admit, I probably freaked out a bit,got a bit anxious, didn’t know how to move things forward and what not and reacted not so kindly. I stone-walled her. I said “I don’t know.” mic drop. I wanted her to move things forward. The onus was on her. She showed the interest in me. I wanted her to have a plan. Pick a time. Any fucking time. Hey,how about 7pm Thursday at my place? Then we could go from there. Whenever I would get the nerve to ask a girl out, which was rare, I would have a specific plan. “Hey would you like to go out at 7 on Sunday and watch that new Robert Deniro movie that’s playing on the west side of town.” She can outright say no, or say yes or suggest an alternative plan but at least I came correct, I had a plan. I thought things out, I took a chance.
Other Relationship don’ts to women from me
1.Don’t get a whole shit load of information from a guy and then keep all of your information to yourself. Okay this comes from experience. This is what I mean. I had a girl ask me how I felt about her, she asked me if I could see us in a relationship. Okay, my answer was screwed, I said I could have sex with her but didn’t want a relationship. So of course, I got neither. But what pissed me off about the whole thing, is that she got answers from me, she didn’t have to guess, and do you think I didn’t realize what was going to happen when I said what I said? Of course I did but I gave her the legit god’s truth answer. Basically she got to keep her cards to herself. She got her answer but she never had to divulge anything to me. She never had to say how she felt. I f she liked me she should have said well I really liked you and I wanted more and that’s too bad. But I never got that. She got confirmation that I was sexually attracted to her and I go no confirmation. I think it’s bullshit. Show some courage. If a guy says he’s not into you or whatever let him know hey that’s too bad I liked you, I won’t make you guess, I won’t play a game, I was legit interested. Why is it so hard for people to say these things. Every man in the history of mankind who has ever expressed an interest in a woman has had his personal shit broadcast to all other women on the planet. When a man likes a woman she makes damn sure everybody else knows she got hit on, it could be by an ugly toad and she will tell somebody, so you know what maybe men deserve to know that they were liked too. And yes I have had many, I mean many a woman express an interest in me and I spared their dignity and didn’t tell a soul, even though it would have fed my ego and let the world know I was wanted.
2.Don’t mention IRL that another guy is good looking. If you watch the tv or a movie that’s one thing but just don’t go telling us how this guy at work is so handsome. For fuck’s sake, have some consideration.
- Don’t take leftovers home on one of the first few dates. Nothing says I will milk every situation for everything I can possibly get like taking home leftovers from a meal. One of my major pet peeves. If I wanted to take you grocery shopping I would have just taken you to a supermarket. The purpose of the date was to spend some nice time with you and also have a meal in the process. I hope to God you at least have groceries in your own home and you are capable of feeding yourself for the rest of the week. I was not offering to fill up your fridge for the week. Eat the meal and if you don’t finish it leave it. Haven’t you ever seen Million dollar baby? there are starving waitresses out there. So that’s that. Another stellar edition. Men got bagged on. Women got bagged on. I got to vent. And I got to unleash some of my relationship fantasies on all of you all. Have a great day.