The subject of priorities has crossed my mind several times in the last week. It came up at an AA meeting when I was thinking about the key to sobriety. It came up in a blog post I read when somebody was talking about their looks. It has often crossed my mind whenever I hear the age old comment “I want a guy who’s nice.” Or “I like a guy who has a good sense of humor. Or my personal favorite ” I want a guy with a good personality.” What people value always baffles me. I always wonder why nobody ever says “I want a guy with with good character.” Guys with good personality get girls, guys with good character get married.
I have so many opinions about the sense of humor thing. To be honest, when I was searching for a girlfriend I never valued a good sense of humor. Funny girls are great to be friends with but I don’t find it attractive. When a girl makes me laugh I don’t say to myself this is a person whom I want as a soulmate, this is a person whom I want to get deep and personal with. In a sense it is a romantic turn off. Think about it. If somebody is always funny, if that is their main personality trait do you ever say to yourself “why would I want to get serious with somebody who isn’t serious?” I have. To be honest, a good sense of humor would not even crack my top 5 list of personality traits that I value in a partner. In a friend, oh hell yes, but our partners are more than just mere friends with the right genitalia right? I hope to God you say yes. Personally Personally I value honesty,kindness,openness,warmth,depth,intelligence.opinions,charisma,good listening skills,people who communicate interactively rather than just speak in monologues to you and exclusively want an audience,punctuality,being articulate, being appreciative,idealistic,moralistic, I really don’t give a fuck if my partner is funny, she is by the way, but If I were to describe her in 5 words funny would not be in that top 5 and yes I am that guy who will not be with a woman whom I am not physically attractive to but like I said it’s not one of the top 5 most important things to me. Take a minute and think about what you value in a relationship. Now take a minute and think about what you value in a friendship. If you were to make a list the difference between a partner and a friend should be huge. They serve much different purposes. Your friend can be shallow and one dimensional. Your friend can always be that funny guy or girl but you need more out of your partner. Your friend can be that person who tells 45 minute stories but your partner better shut the fuck up and listen to you. You can deal with a selfish prick of a friend but a selfish prick of a partner will be overwhelming. A friend who borrows 20 dollars and never pays you back is annoying a partner with that mentality might sell your bleeping car to support their drug habit.
When thinking about sobriety I always come back to the first trait that I mentioned when looking for a partner, honesty. that wasn’t a coincidence that it came first. To me when somebody wonders how to stay sober it always comes down to how honest are you. To take it a further level how comfortable are you with the truth? With your truth? Have you learned to accept the inconvenient truths in your life? Have you learned to make peace with the fact that you grew up in a broken home, or that you were physically abused,sexually abused, emotionally abused or abandoned by a parent? Until you learn to be comfortable with your truth, your inconvenient as fuck truth you will not be able to truthfully recognize at all times that you are powerless over alcohol, you will not be able to recognize that your life is unmanageable with alcohol if you have not practiced being comfortable with your hard truths. In simple terms this is called acceptance.
In terms of other aspects of our life I have noticed an over emphasis on looks in our society. Yes, I appreciate a good looking woman but I don’t over emphasize it or make it the only thing I see or value in a woman. If I compliment a woman on her looks personally it also comes with an acknowledgement of her other good qualities. “You are smart a great writer very articulate and also gorgeous. ” I think that’s okay. What is not okay with me and never be is the shallowness of the red carpet on Oscar night. I love movies so I always watch the Oscars but I can not stand this overemphasis on the fashion. For instance, if Jennifer Lawrence walks down the red carpet and she looks amazing they will see “Here’s Jennifer Lawrnce, she is wearing Vera wang and she looks amazing.” How come they don’t say “Here’s Jennifer Lawrence, 4 time academy award nominee,best friends with Amy Schumer and oh yeah she looks hot as balls.” That would be okay with me, Once again people priorities. Why is fashion and beauty seemingly so high on the list of priorities? This is fucking with women all over the world. We need to make it less of a priority. We should look at beauty the same way we look at great athletes. If a person hears of a soccer player that is absolutely amazing they can admire his skill, they can admire that he is at the top but you know they don’t think of themselves as less than or get depressed that they are not an amazing soccer player. It goes as far as man I wish I was that good, oh well fuck it, life goes on. How come we can’t do with with beauty. Hey there’s Sofia Vergara she looks amazing that is awesome. I wish I looked that good, I don’t, fuck it, life goes on. But that’s not the way it is. The world has overemphasized beauty, yes, we can appreciate it but like I said when Jennnifer Lawrence walks down that red carpet let us emphasize her achievements first, something personal second and then the shallow shit like her fashion sense and beauty can be acknowledge and appreciated but let’s not lose sight that her beauty and she is a beauty is not even close to being the noteworthy thing about her. So once again I ask you what do you value? Why?