More random musings

alright one more wacky post before I get on to some serious writing today. I hope you enjoy these off the cuff tidbits.

I think we should eat more vegetables-because all we are saying is give peas a chance.

If he sold bedsheets he would be John linen

when a war mongerer dies do they say “rest in violence.”

When a war mongerer leaves the room does he say “violence. Out.”?

If you sell garden supplies and pets does that make you a pimp? Because you’re selling bitches and Hoes.

My donkey dug a hole in the ground yesterday. Ass hole

That was one mean potato I ate today. You might say it was a dick tater.

Okay enough of the one liners. Am I the only one who thinks it’s weird that all of the cartoon characters have to have the name of the animal included in the name? Bugs Bunny Daffy Duck Kermit the frog I know Kermit is a muppett not a cartoon but you get the point. If I made cartoons I would not name the animal as a way of parents finding out how smart their kid is. I mean if you look at Kermit how much of a fucking idiot does your kid have to be if he can’t figure out that’s a frog? Just call him Kermit if the kid says hey that’s Kermit the frog you have a smart kid if the kid says hey that’s Kermit the salamander you know you’ve got a problem on your hand. I’m glad I’m not a parent because I would not know how to explain to my kid that the frog is sexually attracted to pigs and it’s completely okay for interspecies marriage. We get squeamish about gay characters but really pig and frog sex we don’t bat an eye over? And have you seen the weird stuff Bugs used to do with Elmer? Straight up kiss him on the mouth for like an awkward two to 3 seconds at that.

Okay is it just me or does anyone else want to go see star wars just so you can say out loud to the parents who are taking their 6 year old kids “way to go asshole You just took your 6 old to see a war movie. parent of the year right there.” I am so tempted.

Okay back to the whole kids characters. Like Thomas the Train. Or Bob the Builder. When Bob was growing up did he say to himself. Ah fuck, my name is bob, that limits my career choices to builder baker and butcher? did he have a talk with his parents and was like you know I would like to be an accountant and they said “no, your brother Andy, he can be an accountant, but not you Bob. “Well, what if I would like to have sex with a lot of people? Can I do that? “No, Bob, but your sister “Sally the Slut” she can.  All right people, This is Danny the dick and I am out.

 

 

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