I’m not ashamed, I’m just uncomfortable

I was reading some posts about autism about a week ago and I started asking myself why don’t I write about having asperger’s syndrome very often. It has come up in topic but typically it will go without mention as I focus on other things like humor,inspiration and AA meetings. For the last week I have sort of been writing a post about it in my head. Answers to this question will come to me in bits and pieces and there is not 1 quick 5 word answer that explains it all. There are several factors which goes into this but there was 1 question I felt like I really needed to answer? The question of shame.

Being an alcoholic the theme of shame comes up alot so it’s easy to think that perhaps I am operating out of a place of shame by not talking about my condition very often. But that is not the case. I am not ashamed to say that I am on the autism spectrum. Not at all. I don’t feel guilty and I don’t feel less than. I honestly just feel like my set of challenges that I have been given in life have their own name to it. Don’t we all fall under that category? Think about it. Some see being a woman as having its own set of challenges. Some would say being of color would be its own set of challenges, some would say their sexual orientation, others might be refer to things such as being an alcoholic,overeater,sex addict,drug addict,gambling addict,anorexic,amputeee,cancer stricken,speech impediment,hearing impaired, sight impaired and so on and so on. Looking at the big picture, seeing what the entire world goes through enables me to see that my specific challenge of asperger’s syndrome is nothing to be ashamed of. We all have our challenges. We are not singled out by the universe to have a challenge. So honestly, I am not ashamed,

So why then? Why keep it to myself on 95% of my posts or whatever the number may be? There are several answers but one of them is just simply because I don’t feel like explaining to people what it is. It just seems awkward to me. If somebody asked me what Asperger’s is without being rude I would want to tell them you’re better of looking it up then you are getting an explanation from me. But it want to know what it looks like and how it impacts me I have actually a few posts where I go back and say to myself a person with autism would totally get this. I don’t believe I name Asperger’s in these posts but they certainly reflect being affected by it, I did a post that was the one with the Whitney Houston song and the girl with the def lepard t shirt that is most definitely an aspie experience. My cheesy pun filled jokes are a hallmark of aspies as well. We love puns. My going on rants and bitching about peoples idiosyncrasies are aspie like as well. Using the word idiosyncrasy is an aspie thing to do. Back when I was a pain in the ass is a post I wrote a few months back where I name Asperger’s and that is reflective of my experiences as an aspie as a child. Aspie is a totally acceptable term of endearment for a person with Asperger’s syndrome.

So anyhow, I need to shut this down down. I may get into other reasons for not mentioning often like the fact that I didn’t even know I had Asperger’s until about 10 years ago or so which makes it second nature for me to just not have an explanation for my behaviors and way of thinking and processing. One of the other reasons is having Asperger’s is just one of many ways I define myself. I also define myself as a male, as a sports fan, as an alcoholic, as humorous just so many things other than having Asperger’s. That’s all for now. Have a good day.

5 thoughts on “I’m not ashamed, I’m just uncomfortable

  1. Hey Danny,

    I have autism too so I don’t you to feel that you are completely alone.

    Yes, life does bring it’s own challenges and it is our role to overcome the challenges we have in our life. Don’t let your disability be in the way of your dreams. Keep your head up and don’t give up in pursuing what you want to achieve.

    I wrote a blog called Living with Autism in February this year. I only want to reveal to people that I am autistic when I find it meaningful, it’s not something I would like to bring up in regular conversation.

    You may need to proof read your blog again as there were some spelling/grammar mistakes in the post.

    Have a read of my post and let me know what you think.

    https://realjoephill25.wordpress.com/2017/02/09/living-with-autism/

    Like

    1. Thanks so much. I appreciate the support. Nice job on the headstone manor museum post. I will go and check out the Living with autism one as well. And thanks for the heads up on the grammatical errors.

      Like

      1. Thanks for your feedback on the Headstone Manor post. It’s really cool to meet someone like yourself.

        I like that you aren’t afraid about being open about yourself and being honest.

        I also found it enjoyable reading your blog because I saw that you thought greatly about what you were going to write and that you were being very creative through running with an idea, you should be proud of yourself.

        RealJoePhill25

        Like

  2. I’m glad I read this. I know this feeling, “I don’t feel like explaining to people what it is. It just seems awkward to me.” Rightly said, we all have our challenges. These challenges make us. We might feel uncomfortable in sharing them because not everybody understands. But we should accept ourselves the way we are. Self acceptance will allow us to love ourselves. Thanks for writing this 🙂

    Like

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