Today at my 7am meeting I was talking about one of my personal flaws and that flaw is that I am often judgemental of others. I really need to work on this because typically when I am being highly judgemental of others what it really means is that I am in an uncomfortable situation and I am likely using a diversionary tactic to get me off of what is really bothering me.
Yesterday, I went to an awards ceremony as my fiance was nominated for a community award both as an individual and as part of a group. Her group won so the 8 of them got to share the stage and I am glad for the recognition she got. I usually am not very fond of award ceremonies and luckily for me when one of the presenters said raise your hand if you were drug here I did not raise my hand. I did not want to be there. Of course, I wanted to be there to support my deserving fiance but I didn’t want to be there also as I usually feel like I endure these rather than enjoy them.
At this awards ceremony I found myself getting judgemental of somebody who was eating. I get this perverse pleasure out of watching tiny people pile on mounds and mounds of food at all you can eats and buffet type situations and then criticizing them. I guess I don’t have to totally get into it but it’s like this. If I see a 400lb guy and he has like mounds and mounds of food on his plate or he eats several platefuls I am not critical because it strikes me that he is not taking advantage of a situation and acting in a way he normally wouldn’t just because he can get away with it. It strikes me that he genuinely just likes to eat so I don’t give a shit, eat all you want. But when a tiny person does it I think they are cheap bastards who wouldn’t eat that much if they had to pay for it or if they were charged for each item they purchased because if they ate like that all the time they wouldn’t weigh 90lbs. It’s basic logic. Judgemental as hell but logical.
So know you know what got me on the topic of being judgemental. The thing is that whenever I am judging somebody there is usually something in their behavior which triggers a thought about myself that I am uncomfortable with. For instance I hate screaming children who run around like idiots in public because it reminds me of just how repressed I was. I honestly don’t think I ever ran around and screamed like an idiot as a child. The eating thing reminds me of a similar suppression as well. You get the point, when you point the finger at somebody there are 3 pointing back at you. Literally, take the time right now to point the finger at somebody and then look at your hand.
All this is leading to my thoughts on what it really means if somebody says “Only God can judge me.” Whenever somebody says that I think to myself they are saying that because they are screwing up. This is the thing that thieves,drug dealers and the sexually promiscuous always say. The people who don’t want to be judged are always the ones that are fearful that they will be judged as guilty. I think we should strive to want to be judged. I want to be judged because I want to be accountable. If you judge me as an asshole then that should tell me something. If I have no fear of being judged then it is likely because I have confidence that I will be judged positively. Isn’t it weird how there is always this negative connotation about being judged? We always say don’t judge people this and that because we never stop to think that people can be judged positively.
So my challenge to everybody is this. Live your life as though you want to be judged. Act in a way that will render you a positive verdict.Be confident that if you are judged by others the judgement will be positive. And if you are acting like an asshole welcome the judgement because it gives you an opportunity to correct and redeem your behavior.