I was a big jerk today

The last 27 hours have been an up and down absolute roller coaster for me which might explain my bad behavior today. When i was thinking about what to write I immediately was thinking about whether or not I should do the whole set up and go on and on about how never racking things have been since I wrote yesterday and I figured if I did I would just be justifying being a jerk. Let’s just say the events of the last 27 hours have been bad,frustrating,outright bad,good,frustrating,tolerable and then back to good. The back and forth might explain my obstinence today.

We will begin with my morning AA meeting. One of the guys was talking about being in a band and how he beats himself up over a bad performance. I was telling him that I could relate because at the core I hate feeling exposed. The phrase I used was that I hate showing chinks in the armor. I actually got the exposed feeling last night when my girlfriend pointed out to me that I misspelled gratitude on my blog title. That made me feel uncomfortable as it is embarassing for me and I feel vulnerable because I am showing a flaw, I misspelled a word.

Shortly after the meeting I had to go to a career center and get a resume done for a job that was to happen about 3 and a half hours after I walked in. So anyhow I go into the career center and the time comes to where I want to print out the resume and it doesn’t quite come out well. It came out on two pages instead of 1 so I needed to condense it.  One of the workers asked a guy who worked there to help us condense it and this is when I began to feel vulnerable.

All I am expecting is that the guy will do some technical magic shorten some gaps maybe do some split columns to maximize space and I will get the resume chopped down to 1 nice presentable page. That is all I was asking for. Anyhow this guy starts working on it but then he starts giving me all of this unsolicited advise about content. He starts pointing out what parts won’t get read,starts questioning why i didn’t list more jobs disagrees with how I described my education told me I put things in the wrong order and so on and so on. I know this guy was really trying to be helpful and in his mind he is the Yoda and I am the young jedi in desperate need of advice, I get it. i kept trying to subtly tell the guy I don’t want content advice can you just condense it sow it shows on 1 page or not. he wouldn’t get the hint and then he figures I want his help but maybe at some other time because I have to go and he is telling me when i come back he help me and so forth. All the while I am just getting absolutely pissed and thinking that this guy is just one arrogant guy to assume that I want his help in that matter. Finally he doesn’t get the hint and I am just rude to him. I tell him I don’t want to make any changes and he tries to tell me to relax that he is helping me. I say to him, I don’t wan’t your help and he still persists so I finally tell him mind your own business I didn’t ask for your help and I don’t want it. This got him to go away.

There would a lot of things going on with me and I don’t want to drone on because I don’t like justification. Anyhow, I felt really bad about the whole thing because the guy was really trying to be nice and he was just doing his job. What he doesn’t realize about me is that when you critique me like that I get embarassed. I don’t like unsolicited criticism and advise. While he’s trying to help all I am hearing is how bad of a job I did on the resume. It made me very uncomfortable and I felt very exposed. It also plays off as arrogant to me because I would never impose myself on somebody to that extent where I just flat out try to overtake their project. I might offer some advice to somebody but it’s minor. I don’t suggest a complete overhaul because I don’t assume you want to hear it from me.

Anyhow time is running out and to make a long story shirt the resume was completely unnecessary. I went to the job fair, they never looked at it. They had me fill out an application and gave me an on the spot interview and I got a job offer.

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