Because my computer died a slow and agonizing death years ago and I enjoy typing on a computer much more than texting on my phone I am at the library and my allotted time is whittling down so I think this will be relatively short. I’m flipping through my mind for topics and going back and forth between do I want to do a check-in, tell a personal anecdote or go topical. Today, I am going topical and will discuss grattitude.
I have to be honest here being grateful is not one of my natural gifts. I have an aptitude for bitterness, I can always see the yeah buts in any situation. Be grateful Danny, at least you’re eating, yeah but the bread is stale, or yeah but doesn’t everybody eat? I am guilty of being one of those natural ingrates, as in everything good that comes into my life I have always felt like I was supposed to have those things anyhow. I was always the guy at the table at Thanksgiving time who would want to roll my eyes everytime somebody said they were grateful for the food and grateful for the family and grateful for the birds in the sky and glad their not dead and happy that their girlfriend didn’t go all Lorena Bobitt on them last night. I was like shut up alrighty you goof! Everytime somebody would ask me what I was thankful for at thanksgiving I had to make some shit up on the spot because who wants to be spotted as the unthankful guy on thanksgiving? That’s kinda awkward.
It isn’t until recently that I have genuinely began to understand what it means to have grattitude. 21 years sober and I probably didn’t honestly begin to feel grateful about it until the last 3 years or so and it gets stronger every week. All kinds of things that I should have been grateful for in the past I am beginning to really appreciate. I really appreciated my last my job that I worked at for over 9 years and how well they treated me and how appreciated that felt. I am appreciating my girlfriend more and more as time passes on. I am really beginning to see her graciousness in ways I had never seen in years past. Even my dad who goes on political rants and can not speak in sentences lass than 500 words I am beginning to really see his goodness and am grateful for always being there for me in the critical moments. Even my fellow AA’s I am beginning to really see the goodness in them. For some reason there has been a serious attitude shift that was not there until these recent years.
There has to be some reason for the shift, right? I’ve worked a few steps, admittedly not all of them though. I’ve been to a ton of meetings though and awhile back I also grew spiritually when I was going to church. The specific AA meeting I go to is designed to be God-centered. There are several prayers we read daily and even the book of daily insights we read is Christian themed. The other book we read is less Christian centered but nonetheless spiritually prolific. I purposely choose this meeting because it forces me to hear the hear word God like 20 times a day which is great for me. It puts him in the forefront of my mind and I think just by osmosis some of the spiritual principles I have been hearing are finally beginning to sink in with me. I am grateful for the shift in outlook. It has been slow to manifest but it is paying off in dividends and really grateful that I am learning to connect with people and am losing some of my cynicism. Okay I made it with time to spare. 5 minutes left on the library computer. What are you grateful for? What are you grateful for today that you wouldn’t have been 5 years ago?