My fellowship is full of A-holes now what do I do?

Sometimes you get into a situation where you feel like you are just surrounded by a bunch of self-serving socially deficient A-holes and you have to make a decision-do I stay or do I go? I have came to and surpassed this point at my fellowship. To tell you the truth I make that decision before I ever step foot into a new place. I made the decision when I started going to church years ago and made the decision at the AA fellowship I attend. It is an important decision to make. There is one thing you always have to keep in mind and answer honestly. That would be if everybody is an A-hole does that mean I am the A-hole? Often times it means you are one who is not well adjusted and sometimes you notice that you are not the only one who is feeling disenfranchised and indeed the general consensus is that there are a bunch of socially deficient A-holes among you. But, do you stay or do you go?

Several years ago I was going through a very rough emotional time and I just knew I needed some spiritual back-up huge back-up so I decided I needed to re-visit God and start going to church again.  I knew nothing about this local church and I wondered if I would be comfortable at this church. I wondered if I would fit in philosophically, socio-economically and age-wise as well. I was smart enough to know that I am a master of finding ways of feeling like I don’t belong and I could easily fall into the trap of making excuses for why I don’t fit in and I could feel disconnected from the church and soon enough I would be off hunting again for another church that suited me. Making this realization I made a decision right then and there that unless these people were absolutely morally reprehensible that it was my duty to fit in with them not theirs to fit in with me.  And of course like all churches these were not morally offensive people. They were a liberal church which suited me philosophically but everybody there was like 20-30years older than me and the congregation was super tiny so you once you walked in everybody knew you were the new guy. There was no way one could hide. Anyhow It worked out very well I stayed deciding that I would grow more by adapting to a situation rather than by expecting the situation to adapt to me. 5 years later I stopped going to this church but it was a great experience and I absolutely got the spiritual back-up one needs when they are losing their mother.

After I started going to this church I decided to start going to the local AA. This time the situation was not as easy as the church one. While the church people were old and kind and warm and well behaved this AA group was not all of those things. In many ways it was like a social kindergarten. There was lots of A-holes and I knew it wasn’t just me, a ton of people were upset with the behaviors of many of the group members. Lots of people formed a splinter group a few miles away and just ran away from the situation. Many people found other meetings outside of town to go to. I could understand it, we had a lot of chaos. There were people yelling at each other, near fights, crazy street people, people using the place to take a nap, to eat and get a free cup of coffee, people dominating meetings and just all sorts of what I will call social deficiency and self-centered behavior. I went through many a frustrating time. I however decided that I could either find other meetings and get that immediate peace of mind or I could stay and try to grow from it. I stayed because I figured I would be a better person if I could learn to accept other peoples actions and get to a place where I stopped being frustrated and instead learned to be accepting and sympathetic towards other people rather than judgmental. I am still working on these issues today but I have come a long way and am a much better person for persevering through the difficulties rather than running from them.


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