Today I am going to talk about that holy @#$% moment when it all clicks and the relentless cycle of drinking finally relents. Some call it an epiphany others the come to Jesus moment or a moment of clarity but I like to call it the burning bush moment.
It’s about time I finally shared my story because you don’t really get to know an AA until you’ve heard his story. In a meeting i’d give you the full 15-30minute version but today you’re getting the short and sweet version.
I was in my early twenties and about 3 years past the first time I had ever admitted that I had a drinking problem. Things progressed from “I should stop drinking” to “I am an alcoholic and even though I knew there was a problem self-will was not enough and I relapsed more times than I cared to count.
At this point in my life my life was in a shambles. Financially I was getting by but not thriving but my spirituality was zilch, my relationships were in shambles and oh yeah I was pissed off at the world. Then, things changed.
After making countless mistakes such as 13th stepping, disconnecting from fellow AA’s not going to meetings and never working a dang step my life was at the point where I needed an overhaul. The insane choices permeated my life beyond just drinking. I had isolated from my true friends, would get involved with women but as soon as an emotion was felt would back up and I had an emotional hangover from not one but two women because before I got over one woman I got emotionally attached to another. It was a mess I will leave it at that.
Not surprisingly me for me the turning point involves a woman. Whether it’s a good change or a bad one all of the pivotal points in my young life revolved around women. Well, at this point in my life I was in a casual relationship with a woman we shall call Sandra D. Oh, whatever happened to Sandra D? We had been dating for two weeks and I was living in a major city with about 1 million people. Anyhow one day she says we are going out with a friend of hers. It turns out this friend was a fellow AA and we had fooled around about a year earlier and went our separate ways. Awkward!!! Anyhow we came clean and admitted our prior knowledge of each other and the nature of the relationship. We went out and both of the ladies had a good time drinking. For me, not so much.
The woman I had dated in AA we will call Chrissy was a stark reminder to me of just who I was. I had seemed to forgot as I had been drinking and living a double life. I was seeing Sandra D casually, I had an interest in a Russian hottie, I was pining over a diminutive red head and agonizing over another great love of my life, not to mention the 300lb cross dressing social worker Diana Ross impersonating AA who was also in my life. That’s a lot of shit but what are your twenties for if not to live them as if you are in a soap opera. Anyhow, Chrissy firmly reminded me that I am an alcoholic. She had lived in a small neighboring town to the large city I was living in and to see her was more than a coincidence. I did not take this lightly. THis was an intervention from God.
I remember quietly but firmly stating that I was not drinking that night. They drank and who knows what happened to either of them after that. I never saw either one after that. I broke things off with Sandra D took heed of God’s reminder to me that I am an alcoholic and for whatever reason I listened to God. I can gratefully state that some 21 years later I have not had a drink since and my life has become firmly manageable.