alright we need to cleanse the palate now and do some clean jokes.
I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh.
Sadly, no pun in 10 did.
I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday.
Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Same middle name.
What does a pepper do when it’s angry?
It gets jalapeño face!
What is a ghosts favorite plant?
How does michael jackson make a necklace?
Just bead it
I planted a pear tree in the backyard and another one grew as well.
What is everybody’s favorite nation?
I feel like a circus clown today.
Any more of these and I might be sued for Pun-itive damage
These jokes are so timely they are pun-ctual
I write so many of these I am a pun-dit
The 8th day of my week is punday
I was struggling to come up with a good topic so I decided to go with Happiness. I think that will work. Remember you can’t spell Happiness without penis. Here are some quotes.
“For every minute you are angry. You lose sixty seconds op happiness..” Ralp waldo Emerson.
“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” Robert A. Heinlein
“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be..” Abraham Lincoln
Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.”
“happiness is not ready made. It comes from your own actions.”
Dalia Lama XIV
A few quotes from Dr Martin Luther King to get you going for the day
if you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.
I heard this one yesterday when I was listening to You Tube,
Then there is this one:
Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.
I just found that one today and I like it,
and my favorite Dr. King quote
My name is not negro, it’s Dr. King bitch
Okay he never said that but he could have.
This is a reprint from 2 months ago but I thought it was a timely idea to share it again.
One of the things that always astonishes me is the disconnect people have with historical figures. In the united states we have 6 major historical figures that are celebrated with holidays. They are George Washington and Abraham Lincoln who are both celebrated with Presidents day. We have Dr. Martin Luther King day, Columbus day which celebrates Christopher Columbus who discovered the United states. We have Cesar Chavez the great farm labor organizer and of course Christmas which celebrates the birth of Christ. Despite the fact that we acknowledge all of these days and use them for an extra day off of work or in the case of Christmas it has become a way to bring our families together and bond with them as a whole we are largely disconnected from the people these holidays are designed to celebrate. Presidents day is a great excuse to have an extended weekend or sell cars. Dr Kings birthday has become an extra day off of work. Nobody gives a fuck about Columbus or in many cases they actually have great disdain for him and refuse to celebrate him. A small percentage of people connect with Chavez. To be clear, yes, I give a fuck, I do care about Dr King, I do connect with the impact he had on civil rights. I connect with his bravery, I connect because of his oratory skills, his spirituality and of course because of how greatly things are changing in the nearly 60 years since he began his movement.
I realize that I am coming from an American point of view and I have readers who are in other parts of the world such as Europe and India and Africa. I would like to know which leaders are celebrated in other parts of the world. What are the days on the calendar so to speak that are earmarked for leaders or historical figures such as Christmas day which celebrates Christ. I would also like to hear your opinions about whether you feel your citizens connect with the individual. How about Margaret Thatcher in the UK? Do people mention her and connect with her. Is there a day named after her? Or in India I am curious if Mahatma Ghandi has a day named after him. In conversation do people mention his name often and speak of his deeds? Of his hunger strike? Do they at least quote him often.
I make it a point from time to time to honor different historical figures in my blog. If you look up my past blogs you will finds that I have done a blog solely devoted to Dr King and one devoted to Ghandi and I have done Buddha quotes as well. I make it a point to educate people on historical figures, but more importantly to honor them, regardless if they are from my country or not, regardless of how recently they may have lived, regardless of whether or not we have the same skin color. Greatness is greatness, bravery is bravery and that is why today we need to think of and honor Dr Martin Luther King. Hopefully not just in the United states but across the world. I would love to hear your thoughts and feedback on the subject.
Hello and happy Sunday to all!
I figured maybe I should stay away from social commentary today and get back to the original purpose of the blog which is to express some of my thoughts on sobriety. There is an old writing adage which goes “write what you know.” And one of the things I do know well is sobriety.
Today at our AA meeting we were reading about not regretting the past nor wishing to shut the door on it. It’s a very familiar passage to those in AA. Us old-timers have read it hundreds and hundreds of times. One of the things I struggle with is being at complete ease with my past. This is what I mean by letting go of, being at ease and completely accepting my path in life and how it led me to where I am today. In Particular, I often think about my dating history. I often think about women I had been attracted to in the past who may or may not have been attracted to me as well. To be blunt I fumbled away many opportunities, most times nothing happened at all and other times I would begin a relationship and then back out of it shortly after.
To put myself at ease I do have to remind myself that I am exactly where I want to be today in terms of my relationship. I am engaged and will get married later on this year. This helps put me at ease. I was discussing today why I cut so many of my relationships short. I was caught between my physical desires and my ideology about what type of woman I wanted to be with. In my early twenties I found myself attracted to the bad girl types. I wanted sex and lots of it. I wanted down and dirty porno style sex. So I found myself pursuing girls who appeared to be “easy.” I was able to find girls who were sexually adventurous but on the other hand I knew that I also really wanted to be with a good girl in terms of whom I would have a serious relationship with. I wanted it all I suppose. I wanted high character girls, smart girls, thoughtful girls, ones who could match me in an intellectual discussion, who were highly opinionated and idealistic like myself but on the other hand I wanted to have sex and lots of it and I was also extremely shy and fearful so I figured out that the bad girl types were more likely to show their attraction towards me, to be more aggressive and less passive in their interest towards me. The good girl types were less obvious about their attraction towards me. They were more discreet. Hence it made more sense for me to go after the bad girl types because of my fearfulness, my anxiety about putting myself out there and showing a genuine interest in a girl.
I often look bad and realize that I let go of some pretty good women. Women who yes, enjoyed some freaky sex but also were very good people. Thoughtful,kind, trustworthy people. To be honest I had some bias that sexually adventurous women may not have the character I was looking for. I feel bad that I would start a relationship with them and then end it because of my own biases and me not being comfortable with myself. I always wanted to settle down with a good girl, I am more at ease now than ever before because I have a good girl or I should say a good woman. She is smart, opinionated, of high character ,caring, successful, booksmart, educated,goal driven and trustworthy. I have what I always wanted to have. And to be honest, sex is very low on the list of importance. Man were my priorities messed up. But when you are young sex is a big deal. I could probably write 50 pages on all of the dynamics that went into how I ended up being with the women I ended up with. But what matters is that I am happy with who I have.
Life is all about perspective. So much of how we percieve life, whether things are fair or unfair depends on what we choose to see. What we often fail to see is that we have more than 1 choice in terms of how we percieve a situation.
The topic came up today when my fiance mentioned the re-shooting of the movie All the Money in the World. It turns out that Mark Wahlberg made 1$ million dollars to re-shoot the scenes while Michelle Williams made 80$ a day per diem to do the same.
To many the knee jerk reaction is to cry gender descrimination. But that reaction only comes if you choose to see them first and foremost as a male and a female. Personally I primarily see Wahlberg as a huge box office draw and Williams not so much. In my mind that explains the wage gap. The choices of how I see things are endless. From a sheer talent perspective I think Williams acts circles around Wahlberg. Wahlberg is a very good actor but Williams is an elite actor. Or i could choose to see Mark Wahlberg as short or i could define him as a sex symbol or i could define Williams as a platinum blonde or as second fiddle to bigger stars. How i view the situation is all a matter of perspective.
My best sport is long distance running. I have ran 10k 5k half marathons and even an ultramarathon. One time i was looking at results for a major marathon and noticed the winner made 50,000dollars for the race. Then i realized a mediocre nfl quarterback will make 8million a year for a 16game season. That’s 500 thousand a game. Doesnt seem fair does it? In both instances i am talking about men. The difference is the amount of money generated by the two sports. The Nfl generates crazy amounts of revenue. Aint nobody paying 5,000 to watch the new york city marathon. You watch it for free. But people will pay that much for a chance to watch the Supet bowl.
You see Michelle Williams is like the elite marathon runner. Yes, she may be better at what she does but Mark Wahlberg is the money generator. People are paying to watch him, fair or not, thats the way it is. Track the revenue generated by wahlberg movies such as transformers and track the money made by the greatest showman. Williams makes better movies Wahlberg makes money.
This is the lesson of life. Whenever something seems unfair assume it is fair and then look to see how it is in fact fair. You might surprise yourself.
I was in the bank today and on my way out I came up with a surefire genius way to quickly determine what type of person you are. Basically there are 3 types of people.
On my way out of the bank I discovered that next to the teller was a bowl of dum dums which are just really tiny suckers. I am not much for hard candy so I passed them up but before i left the bank i had figured out that amongst the sucker takers of the world there are basically 3 types of people. Here they are:
1 The normal decent kind human being. A decent citizen of the world says to himself. Hey i would like a sucker and he takes one. Then he leaves and goes on his merry way.
2. The ghetto bastard. The ghetto bastard says hey a bowl of suckers ill have 1 now and take a bunch more for later. He waits until the teller is not looking and crams 15 into his pocket and walks out the door.
3. The super ghetto bastard. The super ghetto bastard says hey look a beautiful bowl that has candy in it. I can sell the bowl for 5 dollars at my next garage sale. He then grabs the whole fucking bowl and runs out of the bank with it. Then he sells it at his garage sale AND he takes the candy and brings to his next potluck at work so he doesnt have to spend any of his own money.
Luckily for the world most sucker afficinados fall into category one and a small fraction are in category 2 but its the super ghetto bastards that end up ruining it for everybody like the assholes at my movie theater who stole the little containers of popcorn seasoning that was so tasty. We used to be able to use them for free but now we have to buy them for $1.50 so some guy got a few free small bottles of seasoning but if he wasnt so ghetto he would still be getting free seasoning at the movies several years later.
Today is most definitely a good day. It’s National championship day! One of my sports pet peeves is when somebody after the fact says “oh i knew they were gonna win.”. So what i’m going to do is make my predictions now for the national championship game between Alabama and Georgia and give you my super bowl picks.
First im picking georgia to win. Lets call it 27-23 dawgs.
Now on to the nfl. I am calling minnesota vs pittsburgh to meet in the super bowl. Going with minnesota to win easily by 2 touchdowns 24-10.
If you got the guts let me hear it. What are your football picks?
Happy Saturday everyone
So i thought i would check in while i have a little time and do a post about some of my favorite things from the past year
Favorite football team that i now root for. My old standbys are the cal bears in college football and the 49ers and broncos in the nfl. However i have a new tradition where i adopt a team for a year. This year i adopted the wisconsin badgers and they did awesome. 13 and 1 with a huge bowl victory over miami.
Favorite new show to watch
The good doctor. This stars freddie highmore ad a young doctor who has autism. Very well acted and i really like the depth and humanity of the characters. I also enjoy watching him interact with his love interest and he has a great support system.
Patty cakes. This is the ultimate gritty underdog story with heart. Its quirky hilarious and heartfelt and best of all not mainstream its about a heavy set white girl from new jersey pursuing a career in hip hop. You totally root for her and her squad of misfits
Favorite new hobby
Blogging. I have always had a need to be creative and expressive and most importantly be heard. The community has been fantastic so here i am to stay.
Favorite place i visited
Oahu. 4 days on the beach. Authentic fancy ass ramen. A zoo. No work. It was awesome.
Hi everybody. I took some time off from writing as there has been a lot of change going on lately. Good change mind you but still I need to make some adjustments to get back into the flow of things.
I dont talk about it much but I was out of work from mid september up until the 22nd of December. This allowed me to write consistently and now i am trying to fit writing back into my schedule. I wont have a computer at home for another week so i am texting slowly on my phone. When i was out of work it was easy to fit in a couple ofhours a day on the weekdays at the library.
Well, my new job is going well. The benefits are great as well as all of the perks and that more than makes up for the Dplus pay. Plus we have agood hardworking crew and up top,the store mgr and asst mgr, we are in good hands.
On the aa front ive still been very consistent although with the holidays ive missed a little bit more meetings than normal but not many. I will have to skip the morning meetings because starting tomorrow i will start at 7 which means ill go to6pm meetings.
I must say the new year is off to a great start. Last night i went to the atm and tried to get 40dollars.i didnt have that much so the screen said choose another amount. I asked for 20 and what the fuck the machine gave me 80. First thing i did was check my receipt and lo and behold they think they gave me twenty and i still have 18dollarsand 19cents in that account. Those machines never make mistakes so thank you universe! Also i am getting paid for not working today as it is a paid holiday. Plus the football teams i wanted to win have been winning this bowl season. So yeah ass kicking stary to the year. My old boss never gave us paid holidays never gave us paid vacation gave us the bare mininum 10minute breaks instead of the stamdard 15 and didnt have the decency to give us paid sick time until he was legally required to do so. I once overheard the warehouse mgr talking about the old owner whose name is dick and he was talking about penchant for being tighfisted and he said dick was not happy unless he was screwing somebody. Yikes!!! Not the thing you want to hear about your owner.
So thats all for now. Still sober still not too big for meetings and still grateful for my life.
One of the things I often talk about at meeting level is the importance of finding a God of your own understanding. At my meeting we talk about God more than we actually talk about alcohol. Heck we talk about drugs more than we talk about alcohol at my meeting. Meth,heroin,weed,crack,lsd,pcp all these things come up often at my meeting but alcohol is not actually that high on the list all things considered. I’ve realized for some reason I’ve almost started to create an elephant in the room. I haven’t yet said that I go to AA. We have this whole anonymity thing and one of the traditions specifically states anonymity at the level of press radio and films. But there’s no reason for me not to mention it, I covered my face and I’m using a pseudonym so I might as well say it. Anyhow, today I am going to talk about that old AA stalwart, the doorknob as higher power.
I’ve always been bothered by people who suggest or people who actually go through with the idea of choosing a doorknob as their higher power. I’ve always been bothered by insincerity and it doesn’t seem like you’re on the right track if you start off in a place where you’re making a joke of your higher power. Like I always say honesty is a real key to your sobriety and not being able to admit you believe in a God is a pretty vital thing to admit. This whole doorknob as higher power thing also just reeks of loopholism. I’ve known way too many people who will always find the loophole around things. To me it’s as if you claim the doorknob as higher power you can say “well, they told me to find a higher power they didn’t say it had to make sense. ” Loopholism is such an alcoholic thing to do and continuing to feed that trend isn’t progress it’s reverting back to your old ways.
Think about step two for a second. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. If you believe the doorknob is actually going to restore you to sanity you’re a fucking idiot, plain and simple. And if you’re looking for that loophole you are not going to find it because a doorknob is not a power greater than yourself. This higher power is so vital because he will guide you through the rest of your journey. You are going to learn to depend on the guidance of a superior being, a superior morality, one with superior wisdom from here on out. You really need to take this seriously and figure out just exactly what it is that you will be depending on. This is worth struggling over. You can’t just gloss over this and say this is tough. It’s not like a test in school where if you struggle with a question you get to move on to the next question because all questions are worth 1 point. Consider step one worth 50 points step two worth 40 and the rest worth 1 point each. You better get step one right or you fail automatically. And you have to realize on step two that with you steering the ship you landed yourself right in the muddy waters and you don’t get out without a new captain.