Dont worry, they only love us for our breasts too,
Why cant you take a turkey to church?
They use fowl language.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
What does miley cyrus eat at Thanksgiving?
What if the pilgrims shot a bobcat instead of a turkey?
We’d be eating pussy for thanksgiving
I tried to warn ya.
Alright, why did the farmer go into rehab?
Because of his corn addiction
Why did the little bee get suspended from school
because he scratched himself and said Bee itch
what do you get when you cross a pickle and a baby deer?
Did you hear about the new hip hop dog act?
They’re called Diggers with attitude
As you all know I like to kick the day off with quotes from very important historical figures. So today we are going to use Joseph Smith quotes. For the unitiated Jospeh Smith is the founder of Mormonism.
Here are some famous Joseph Smith quotes:
A man filled with the love of God is not content with blessing his family alone, but ranges through the whole world, anxious to bless the whole human race.
I love that one it is so altruistic. Here is another good one’
The best way to obtain truth and wisdom is not to ask from books, but to go to God in prayer, and obtain divine teaching.
This reminds me of something my dad would always tell me which was consider the source and there is no greater source than God.
And my favorite Joseph Smith quote “don’t forget the F”
Sometimes, I go into an AA meeting and immediately upon seeing the wrong person I get into a crappy mood. Once this happens it can be very difficult for me to get back on track and right myself. When I am angry, it is my job to right the ship not the job of the person who is triggering me.
As I have talked about I am adjusting to new times. In the last couple of years we have been taken over by cell phones. They have been around for more than that but just recently we are burying our heads more and more in our phones. It is really taking over our lives. A little bit over a year ago and I had to make an adjustment to this. I was out with my fiance and at dinner she spent a bit of time on her cell phone. I think they call it flubbing when you block out your partner and they are right in front of you. I should not have been bothered. I am secure in our relationship, it is firmly established but it just caught me off guard because I felt like it was disrespectful. I didn’t know it was okay to tune somebody out like that when you are out. I thought you can do it at home but going out to dinner was dedicated to the both of us paying attention to each other. Anyhow times are changing and I have made the adjustment as it is my duty to do so. It is my duty to adjust to the world not the worlds duty to adjust to me.
This in mind, I still had it in my mind until very recently that when you are at an AA meeting that you should not be on your cell phone. Perhaps a couple of seconds, perhaps you need to check something or simply turn off the phone or answer a call and then walk out of the meeting but nothing prolonged. As our cell phone dependence grows in society it seeps its way into all aspects of our life including the AA meeting. It was inevitable and I should have seen it coming. Yet again in the last two years cell phone usage at meetings is skyrocketing compared to that of the past just like outside the doors.
I was at a meeting a few months ago and I noticed this young lady, probably like 20 years old and she was distracted by her phone for the whole meeting. The entire time she has her head down and she is either listening to music or looking at her phone. This really bothered me because it just strikes me as highly self-centered. especially when some guy is up at the head of the table and he is spilling his guts telling you his whole life story and letting you in on some deeply intimate and perhaps embarassing info and you can’t even acknowledge him. Being that I hold on to info I remembered this girl and kept her in my memory bank.
Let’s fast forward to last Wednesday and this same girl is at the meeting. We have the same kind off deal, we have a guy spilling his guts out telling his very personal story to the room and this lady is driving me bonkers. I had the misfortune of sitting really close to her and she was drawing like a 6 year old child during the meeting and also looking at her cell phone and listening to music and pretty much giving the appearance that she could give two shits about anybody else in that room. If that wasn’t bad enough she is a loud chewer. Who’s the asshole that gave her chips and an apple to eat at the meeting. If you closed your eyes you would have thought you were sitting next to a horse enjoying a snack. I was getting so pissed. I look around and there’s another guy in the corner on his cell phone for prolonged periods of time busy texting. Mind you this is the second time I have seen him do this as well. So about half the meeting has gone by and the meeting is pretty much ruined I got MR ed sitting next to me drawing and eating apples and the I talk a good game but I don’t listen to others and I punched a homeless guy in a meeting guy in the corner on his cell phone. This meeting is pretty much fucked at this point. Then something clicked I took a good look at the girl and I realized that this girl is literally mentally handicapped. She is always there with a lady who is 30 years her senior and she is babysitting this young lady. I like to crack on people, I really do but I just can’t be mad at somebody who is retarded. That is my soft spot. Once I realized what was going on I figured it was okay for her to act like a child because mentally she is. For a second I fantasized about getting mad at her caretaker but I was able to emphathize with her as well so that was that. God stole my anger and I was able to salvage the meeting.
Now the perfectly mentally capable guy in the corner is another story. He is one of those slick guys like a said but ever since I heard he punched a homeless guy at the meeting then I figured he talks the talk but can’t walk the walk. So what he does is he plays with his phone the whole time the speaker is up there. Then when the speaker is done another guy shares and then this guy starts to speak with 15 minutes left in the meeting. And there about 20 other people in the room who just may want to share. Anyhow this guys takes up the last 15 minutes of the meeting and he is literally talking about how fucked up his life is. I want to scream at this guy and say “The guy who walks into a meeting, gets self absorbed for the entire hour. listens to nobody but himself, hoards all the speaking time to himself and punches people in the face is going to have a fucked up life. Over managing your life,having no room in your life to hear others, being a me first guy all the time is what keeps us in the negative spiral. In AA we always talk about service and what that means is actually putting others first. Actually putting aside your wants for the good of somebody else. It teaches us not to micromanage our needs, not to tend to them every single minute of every single day because doing that when we are in charge never works.
Anyhow, when I got out of the meeting. I said that I would not speak about the guy and I would not speak about the girl and I would move forward. And I had a nice half hour conversation with a couple of gentleman outside of the meeting and left in a good space. I have also come to accept that we are at a new place now in society. We are now at the place where it will be very common for people to be on their cell phones extensively at a meeting. I can not take it a slight to the speaker or as a slight to myself. Other peoples actions are merely a reflection of their own value system.
Awhile ago I did a post of my favorite AA plaques. If you have ever been to an AA meeting changes are you have seen several plaques in the hall with short slogans meant as both guidance and inspiration. Some rooms will have possibly just 5 or 6 and others may have 40 different sayings on the wall depending on the personality of the fellowship. Every fellowship I have been to has it’s own personality to it. I have been to warstory fellowships, ones that tend to dwell in the past and tell stories about their worst drunken episodes and consequences. I personally, never liked that type of ellowship but to each his own. There are step fellowships, ones where you will hear a lot of talk in the meetings about getting a sponsor and working the steps. Those seem to be really effective, getting right into the solution. There are service fellowships, ones where a predominant number of people talk about volunteering to clean up,serving cofee,secretaring a meeting,chairing a meeting,driving people to meetings and so forth. And one particular fellow I went to was a slogan fellowship. There must have been 40 different tiles on the wall that were painted with slogans.
Here are 10 quick slogans or as I like to call them plaques because you often see them on plaques at a meeging:
We are only as sick as our secrets.
There are no coincidences in A.A..
Be part of the solution, not the problem.
One day at a time
Live and let live
First things first
But for the grace of God
Think think think
Hang around till it happens
Keep coming back
One a personal note One day at a time was the trickiest one for me in early recovery. I used to mock the shit out of it because I didn’t understand it. I would sarcastically say things like “as opposed to 9 days at a time” Over the course of time I have learned how to apply that statement to my life. I can’t say that I truly understand what it means because I think it takes on different meanings to different people but I can say that I know what it means to me and that is good enough.
Hey Everybody Happy Tuesday,
Alright to get us started I wanted to share some cool Buddha quotes for all of you. We can be enlightened by people from all walks of life whether it be christian,buddhist,mulsim or atheist. So I wanted to share some quotes from the Buddha today.
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.
The mind is everything. What you think you become
I kind of like the juxtaposition with sun moon truth with past future and present.
Here is another great one
” A man asked Guatama Buddha, ‘I want happiness.’ Buddha said “First remove I, that’s ego, then remove want, that’s desire. See now you are only left with happiness.”
That one was really cool. One of those one that literally makes sense and is very profound.
At at last my absolute most favorite Buddha Quote of them all
“Hope you enjoyed your 11$ buffet you gluttonous bastards.”
On Saturday I was at the low budget supermarket getting good deals on cardboard textured protein bars that have a nice coating of salty caramel and a bunch of nuts to make you forget about the cardboard texture of the whole bar. You get 31 grams of protein for 99 cents. So I bought a crap load and I bought like 5 different types and brands so I will be keeping an eye out on which ones resemble cardboard and which ones are worth enduring because of the high protein/low calorie count. Anyhow while I was there stocking up on 6 of the exact same lunches as well because the low budget store will only have 1 flavor of lunch for that $2.50 price per box instead of going to the regular supermarket, wait, can a supermarket be regular, by definition is it not always super and not regular? Anyway, while I was shopping I ran into a lady from AA who rounds up people to give their story at AA meetings at a recovery house. She wrangled me up for Sunday at 7pm. Since, I said no last time I knew it was right for me to say yes this time so I did.
Anyhow, per usual,since I usually chair for her once a year I was thinking about how to present my story. I didn’t want to do it and I instinctually thought about ways to get out of it but I went through with it. One of the things I love to talk about in my blog is the art of shutting the hell up at meetings and allowing youngsters to have their time in the sun but she asked me to speak so what kind of asshole speaks at an AA meeting for 15 minutes about the art of not speaking at AA meetings? Wouldn’t make any sense now would it.
So instead one of my main points was about acceptance. When I was younger I was legit mad at God. I was really angry about all of the struggles that I had gone through and seeing that I have 23 minutes left at the library now I won’t get too much into that now as I have done that in my past posts anyway. Basically what it comes down to is that I was mad at God for giving me struggles. I can clearly see now that I wasn’t willing to struggle and I was being completely self centered.What I forgot to realize in my time of struggle is that everybody has a struggle. Mine may be different than yours and yours different than the next guy but we can’t feel like we are getting picked on by God because we struggle. There are no exceptions, we all get our struggles.
What I had to do to right my issues with God was to learn acceptance. I accept that I have particular struggles and although the details of my struggles might be a bit peculiar I am not the only one who deals with the things I deal with. There are tons and tons and tons of people who deal with social anxiety. There are tons and tons and tons of people who deal with Asperger syndrome. I had to learn to grow up and accept my struggles just like everybody else. Struggles are a part of life and the key is in the exact wording I just chose. I will repeat. repeat after me. “Struggles are a part of life. ”
That’s right, a part, not the whole fucking thing. Just a part. If we focus on the problems our problems become bigger if we focus on the solution the solution becomes more clear. And I jacked that last sentence from an AA book just to be transparent. 15 minutes to go. I’m out.
A few quotes from Dr Martin Luther King to get you going for the day
if you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.
I heard this one yesterday when I was listening to You Tube,
Then there is this one:
Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.
I just found that one today and I like it,
and my favorite Dr. King quote
My name is not negro, it’s Dr. King bitch
Okay he never said that but he could have.
Good Monday everybody,
I am at the library per usual enjoying my 2 hours of computer time figuring out what I am going to write. First I read a few posts say my hellos, if your post was wack I just say nothing and nobody is any wiser. This is my warm up post. The post I write just to get the creative juices flowing before I delve into something more topical.
I am one of those guys you might call a pacadermophile, in other words I love talking about the elephant in the room. So the heck with it here it goes. I have noticed that many bloggers will use certain tools or tricks if you will to get people to read their posts. The most popular one seems to be the “this is how you get people to read your blog” title. It is worded in various ways. They may have a number like the 7 tips or 9 tips or whatever or they may have something more general like writing tips to get you more followers. It’s a pretty simple concept and frankly since I have like 45 followers I would be an asshole to employ that trick. But if you can back it up and you have the followers then by all means do it. I get it. We want to be read and we will do it every so often to keep the readership up. Why not say it out in the open? Some people I have read are pretty open about it which is awesome. I pay attention to what is going on because I too strive for readerships so I’m not complaining just explaining. Basically you play to peoples vanity. They want to be noticed more and you tell them how to get noticed. The easiest way to make money is to write a book telling people how to make money. Or become a hooker.
Anyways, a light just went off in my head today. I discovered a new way to get people to read my stuff. The community pool. Who fucking knew? Well from the reading I did today a lot of people. Don’t get me wrong I have known about this for awhile now. I will go in there and read people and often leave a post but today I learned something new about it. I always thought the community pool was written by the daily post exclusively. I thought it was their thing. That site is banging, I go in there and twelve hours after their post they have like 1200 comments on there and they close down the comments section when it gets too full. Today I went to it and I noticed there were like 6 different people who did community pool posts. I was blown away. And they all show pictures of a pool. Not one shows a picture of a girl in a bikini at a pool or a guy in a speedo at a pool or a bunch of dogs in a pool or a pool of blood just an empty pool and 3 of them use the exact same picture and two of them even have the exact same intro. Like this absolutely blows me away. This reminds me of when I go to the supermarket and see the cookie called giro. In the states we have a dessert cookie sandwich called oreo they have two black soft cookies on the outside and a white cream icing filling on the inside. Four letter word, black white combination, white icing on the inside small snack you can eat like 20 of them at a shot. Then if you go to the mexican section they have giro four letter word, black white combination, black cookie white filling same size you can eat like 20 of them at a shot. Same fucking thing. I actually taste tested both of them and the overall quality was about the same.The oreo had a better cookie but the giro had a better filling and Giro is cheaper so if filling is your thing get the giro if cookie is your thing get the oreo. Anyhow, genius concept right, take somebody elses idea and use it for yourself. I never knew we could do that here. If it were the super market the original product would be called community pool and the replica would be called neighborhood swim but here it’s like fuck it why bother changing the name or the picture or the intro you don’t even have to change the name like the giro and the oreo. I would have never thought of that in all my years. I would have though of a similar idea but I would have called it something different I would have used a different picture or none at all and my first few lines would look nothing like the original but that is me. That’s all for now.
Okay so sometimes to get off my butt and start writing I will just pick some random topic and go with it. Anything to get words coming out to jumpstart the writing process. Today we are exploring weird shit I think about when reading peoples blogs.
This is one of those topics that will be fun if people play along and comment their own thoughts when its over so please do. I am what you might call a like monger. I like to comment on peoples blogs and hit the like star. Sometimes I just hit the like star as a way of saying hello i read your post. If I have nothing to say then i dont comment. its like passing somebody on the street and waving at them rathet than just walking on by.
So keeping this in mind sometimes it gets awkward right. Like what if a person writes a story about jared the sandwich guy being a pedophile? Maybe its a well written story and the person did a great job. You think i should hit the like star and you go to do it and then you think oh shit i cant like a story about a sex offender that makes me look creepy. I mean seriously whats to like about it right. Or how about when somebody writes a post about something very personal and disturbing. They write that they are depressed and they wont leave the house and everybody is a bunch of assholes andwhat not. I mean what am i supposed to do hit the like star and be like yeah your life is fucked that is great? Or how about when you read a post titled “fatal car crash 6injured 2 dead”? I mean what kind of asshole does that make me look like if i hit the like star. Am i right? Anybody else relate to this?
Don’t get me wrong i love being a peeping tom into your personal lives. I love reading personal blogs about the tough moments of life. I think its good for us bloggers to open up. I honestly do. Just sometimes i think its best that i read somebodys post and move on out of respect for that person like what they shared was so personal that its not my place to intrude right.
And yes i call it the like star.