Joke time

alright we need to cleanse the palate now and do some clean jokes.

I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh.

Sadly, no pun in 10 did.

I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday.

Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

Same middle name.

What does a pepper do when it’s angry?

It gets jalapeño face!

What is a ghosts favorite plant?

A bougainvilla

How does michael jackson make a necklace?

Just bead it

I planted a pear tree in the backyard and another one grew as well.

What is everybody’s favorite nation?


I feel like a circus clown today.


Any more of these and I might be sued for Pun-itive damage

These jokes are so timely they are pun-ctual

I write so many of these I am a pun-dit

The 8th day of my week is punday



Buttcrack Freedom

This is actually a reprint from early December. But I thought it was hilarious.

Okay I promise this one will start and stay humorous. Just some light hearted slightly off the wall humor. So here it goes.

So I was walking home today thinking about all of the great things I love about my country you know, the good ole us of a the land of the free and the home of the, aw man, butt itch.

Now this wasn’t a regular nice and easy butt itch. No,this was a good old fashion dig right in the butt crack taint scratcher. My lord!! What am I to do? I got 10 minutes left of walking home and I got a taint scratcher of an itch. Now, your standard butt itch you can reach around grab a butt cheek and scratch vigorously for i don’t know, 2 maybe 3 seconds but not this one. No, I wasn’t that lucky. This was a butt cracker. I may live in the land of the free and the home of the brave but I aint that free, or brave for that matter.

I tried to distract myself and take my mind off things as i walked home. Man, i wish i was on vacation. Because if you’re on vacation you just dont really care. If youre 1/2 a mile from home youre not taint scratching in front of the neighbors, oh hell no. But, but, if i were in Italy right now i would scratch that ass. Oh heck yeah i would, i could care less what anybody thinks, ill never see them again.

Well im happy to report that i distracted myself adequately. It was not a completely horrible walk home. I got home, said hi to the dog and scracthed that itch cause the dog dont care he dont judge, dogs lick their own nuts what do they care? finally all was better the itch was scratched. Freedom!!! More accurately buttcrack freedom.



I love the Academy Awards but F#$% the Red Carpet

So as you all may know I am very excited about watching the academy awards tonight. In about 35 minutes the actual show starts and right now they are showing everybody on the red carpet. The red carpet shows are such an incredibly disheartening show of shallow ness. I hate how every fucking woman that walks the red carpet we just absolutely have to comment on how she looks. Have we come nowhere in 90 years? Why do we still put so much emphasis on the looks of women? I think the message they send is  hey we are women admire our beauty, admire our sexiness, ask us shallow questions like who are we wearing but for fuck’s sake don’t grab our titties. We can emphasize our sexuality and our beauty and we want you to say we look beautiful because no way in hell we will look shabby but on the other hand it is not okay for producers or co-workers to sexually harass us. I know, I know, nobody deserves to be sexually harassed, and nobody is asking for it. But what I am saying is that I think the women should protest the Harvey Weinsteins of the world by showing up looking shitty. No make up, no fancy dresses no glamorous hairdos. In other words if a child acts up stop giving him candy,. If they really want to stir shit up take away our eye candy. Demand that when they are on the red carpet that nobody comments on their looks and asks them shallow shit like who they are wearing. I think all the actresses should demand that we talk about the quality of their work and not how good they look.  Well that the bulk of what I have to say but I was thinking if it is totally acceptable for us to comment on a womans looks and say she looks gorgeous should it not be okay to say she looks really fucking ugly how the hell does she get work? I would like to hear somebody say hey this actress is ugly as fuck and you know why she gets a lot of work? Because she’s good, not because she looks good not because she sucked a dick but because she deserves to be seen because of her talent. It will never be said but a guy can wish.

OSCAR Time thoughts

This Sunday is one of the most anticipated days of the year for me as always, it’s Oscar time. It is on my bucket list to one year attend the Oscars. We actually have a friend who is married to a Hollywood agent and have found a possible in roads to attend the Oscars one academy awards one year. You have to be put in a lottery though so it’s a shot in the dark, so maybe one year we will go.

Anyhow, I have given a lot of thoughts about the movie year recently. Some critics suggest that it was a weak year for movies last year. I disagree, I probably went to about 90 movies last year and thought the overall quality of movies was quite satisfying. I do think however that there were very few great movies, but a lot of good and almost great movies and very few absolute stinkers.

I have created a few categories of my own for your enjoyment. We will begin with Sleeper hits. Here is my off the top of my head list of some under the radar gems or underappreciated movies from last year. In no particular order they are

It comes at Night-Critically acclaimed yes, but it generated little buzz amongst movie goers. Starring the under appreciated Joel Edgerton of Warrior fame.

Life- another sci fi movie which in my opinion like It comes at night was just shy of great. Starring Ryan Reynolds and Jake Gyllenhall.

Patty Cakes$- A bunch of rag tag underdogs strive for success in the hip hop game. Had my absolute favorite scene of the year. Starring Danielle Macdonald in a star making role as the titular character.

and the award goes to Patty Cakes- Not the best movie of the year but certainly some great moments and a cast of characters you absolutely root for and love because of they are so far from mainstream and very diverse. a stereotypical cast this is not. Both wacky and heartfelt touching and humorous. A great underdog story.

Movies that lived up to the Hype

Guardians of the Galaxy 2-Never saw the first one and didn’t need to to enjoy this movie. A give it a B plus. Not quite great but almost.

Planet of the Apes- Great closure to an intriguing trilogy around Caesar. If it wasn’t for the annoying comic relief “Bad ape” character this would have been an Oscar contender in my book. I give it an A-.

3 Billboard outside of Ebbings,Mo- Billed as an Oscar contender and it lived up to the hype. In my opinion the best movie of the year.

The shape of Water- To be honest Sally Hawkins is what drew me in because of her performance in Maudie alongside Ethan Hawke earlier in the year.  Fantasy is not my forte which is why for me it was the 2nd best movie of the year.

And the Winner is-Planet of the Apes. A near Oscar caliber movie and a very satisfying conclusion to this series. It wins because it is very rare that a blockbuster reaches this level of excellence.  It was hyped for a huge audience not an indie loving audience like Shape of water or 3 billboards so this gets the win.

Over rated Movie of the year. This will have a loser and not a winner.

The nominees are

Lady Bird- Starring Soarise Ronan and Laurie Metcalfe- Movie critics loved this movie but I thought it was strictly mediocre. Not the Oscar caliber movie it is purported to be.

Wonder Woman- To be honest you are better of watching Professor Marsten and the Wonder women. People loved the idea of this movie. Next time don’t worry about getting a literal beauty queen worry about a strong actress in the lead.

Dunkirk- This is actually a good movie. And it had great elements- Like the score and the cinematography.  However the director missed with the story telling. There should have been less focus on the beach and more focus on the citizens who come to the rescue. Not Oscar caliber more like a 7 on a scale of a 1-10. An Oscar caliber movie should be a 10.

Call me by your name. Yet again a good movie. Very slowing movie however. Probably a 7 on a scale of 1-10. It ended great however. The last 15 minutes were oscar worthy but this movie was way to slow and was way too long.

And the Loser is Wonder woman- watched by way too many for a movie that was mediocre at best. The lead actress is not strong. Fight scenes dragged on way too long. It was not enjoyable. Way too long and I don’t find the actual portrayal of the character interesting. Wonder woman can be an interesting character. I thought she came across as sweet and altruistic in Justice league and she was a great addition to that movie but a full length movie devoted to her was not necessary, it was just a money grab playing off the novelty of having a woman in the lead. Women clamored to be represented so they flocked to the theater and men are just pervy weirdos who want to see a woman fight in a skirt.

Comedy of the year

Girls night out- Breakout movie for Tiffany Haddish. Well acted and very fun movie to watch.

Jumanji- The concept of having the adult actors paly characters that are exactly opposite of what they look like was very clever and perfectly executed by Jack Black especially.

The Big Sick- First great movie I saw last year and it should be nominated for movie of the year. Much deeper than your typical rom com. Hilarious and meaningful with a veteran cast of comic actors including Holly Hunter and Ray Romano in supporting roles.

Thor- It is an action hero movie but it is also very comedic. I never expected this to play as a comedy and it really worked. Honestly it may have been rather formulaic if played as a straight action superhero movie.

And the Winner is…

The Big Sick. While the rest of the movies ranged from good to very good this is the only movie in this category that I wo0uld give an actual A letter grade to. Much deeper and moving than the other movies. And I loved watching the actual stand up routines throughout the movie. This was based on an actual story which is why it is believable and moving. Very charming, very funny and who doesn’t relate to the angst of love and meeting your loves parents.

Actor of the Year-

Chris Pratt- Loved him in Passengers which was a hard movie to carry and scored well with Guardians of the Galaxy as well.

Woody Harrelson-Who chose two better movies to star in this year than Woody Harrelson. Touching in 3 billboards and a great baddy in Planet of the apes.

Sally Hawkins-Actually gave two Oscar worthy performances. One is Maudie and the other for Shape of Water. Also starred in Paddington 2.

Idris Elba- Call him Tapatio because he was in everything. Starred in the mountain between us and gave a nice performance there. Made the Dark tower a watchable movie. Was in Molly game and also Thor. Don’t forget 100 streets as well. Just a very talented versatile actor. Always a pleasure to watch.

And the Winner is…

Sally Hawkins- Absolutely adorable in Maudie and I immediately thought Oscar worthy when I watched it and then she does shape of water and makes this weird romance with a sci fi sea creature moving and watchable and actually seem forgivable although it is beastiality. A well deserved nomination for her and I wish she would have got two nomionations because her performance in Maudie needs to be watched. She just clicked well with eevrybody this year from Ethan hawkes to Octavia spencer to some weird fishy bastard and Richard Jenkins.


And the Liebster award goes to…..

I already wrote my main blog for the day but I figured since I have a little time on my hands and I enjoyed writing my check in blog so much I would chime in on my thoughts on the Liebster award.

I am beginning to wonder just who the Fuck this Liebster guy/gal is. I mean, does anybody really know? For all I know it’s just a bull shit award used to kind of drive up traffic, like a pyramid scheme without any money being exchanged. I am very skeptical about the whole thing and really want no part of it. I won’t nominate anybody for some award named after some person who I don’t know shit about nor use that person to drum up traffic to my site and whatever you do don’t nominate me for one of these awards. If you want to recognize me you can mention me on your blog and then your 5000 followers can know who the hell I am and I can get some easy publicity and you have done me a solid favor and all is good.

Am I the only one who thinks these awards are just pyramid schemes without money? If I want to recognize a writer, and I have, then I will just give them a shoutout on my own blog and my readers will be exposed to that writer. That writer benefits by the exposure and I have done that person a solid good deed without getting anything back in return.  When you want to honor somebody isn’t the true spirit of that supposed to be that you want nothing in return? Doesn’t it feel like that by asking somebody to recognize you on their blog and give you a shout out so that you are exposed to their 5000 followers or what not more of a benefit to you than to the blogger being awarded? Then that blogger has to nominate 5-10 bloggers for the award who in turn will mention him/her and that blogger then gets publicity on those peoples blogs. Does anybody remember the old chain mail schemes? This sounds exactly like that scheme. No money is being exchanged so I am not saying that it is illegal, it most definitely is not but it sure as fuck is schemey. If that’s a word.

So with that in mind the Liebster award goes to….Fucking nobody.


Sunday February 18th Check in Time

Hello All,

I hope everybody is having a great weekend so far. Mine has been pretty good and I am feeling like I am in a good space at this time. So it is a great time to just check in and provide an update on what is going on with me.

I haven’t taken a lot of time to write lately but not because things are hectic or not going well but mainly because I have just needed to slow a bit and have some “do nothing time.” Okay, I guess that sounds like things were hectic but it’s more accurate to say that things were busy.

Life has been great, just busy that’s all. For about 3 months I was writing prolificly. Then things slowed down and then they just came to a halt. Well, when I really was writing often I was out of a job. There was a big transition in my life. After 9 plus years at my old job they ended up laying everybody off and the business sold what they could to another company. So in between jobs I wrote just about daily, often twice and also made sure to give myself a lot of routine. I thrive with routine. So I would write often, go to the gym and hit 7AM AA meetings about 6 days a week. This kept me busy in a good way, a very good way and kept me from from feeling useless and without an identity.

Well,, since I started working again life has kept me busy. I have been working 6 days a week for some time now, happily taking the overtime and I still hit the gym 4 times a week and make time to hit about 4 AA meetings a week but now I do it in the afternoon, and I have a relationship to nurture and oh yes by the way we are getting married in October so we are in the early stages of planning for that. My fiancé is going dress shopping today which is allowing me time to write this before I of course head to the gym to hit the treadmill. So yeah, that is why the writing has slacked off tremendously. Something had to give. Instead of writing for an hour or hour and a half I am using that time to connect with my fiancé, even if it’s just watching some music show or a silly sitcom.

Life has been good lately, very good. With all the overtime at work I have been able to work on paying off a medical bill that showed upin my mailbox some 6months after I was taken to the hospital. Just when you think everything is taken care of they hit you with a bill. I also am paying back my dad for a loan he gave me to buy the wedding ring. Slowly but surely the bill and loan are getting paid back and the sense of responsibility feels really good. I take a lot of pride in making that happen, so yes, it is actually good for me. This may sound crazy to some but I think an alcoholic may be able to relate to what I am saying. I am also trying to save up about 1200$ for some of the wedding expenses and I happy that I will be able to juggle all those bills and take care of all those different things. Things that for most of my life would have overwhelmed me no longer feel unattainable. I am blessed with a confidence that these are doable things. I know not to panic but to just keep on plugging away and things will work out.

Lately, my fiancé has been getting a lot of recognition in her professional life. Things are really coming together for her and I honestly feel like she is just starting to scratch the surface. She is blessed and accomplished and has worked her ass of for decades to get to this point. The degree she earned in college is really starting to pay dividends, although I am finding out that often the work you do in college does not always pay  dividends early on but later on in life things seem to come together and then you really reap the rewards.

In the past a loved ones accomplishments would have really played on my own insecurities. I will admit this is something sometimes comes up but I have learned to work through it and realize that I too have a lot of worth as a person. I bring many things to the table in our relationship. Money is not one of them, but I do bring stability and support and I bring a sense of calmness, I bring a lack of chaos. I allow her to flourish without being the kind of guy who disrupts somebodys daily job by calling her all the time at work and pulling her away from her repsonsibilities and just bringing a lot of chaos that will hinder somebody from truly growing professionally. A lot of alcoholics are disruptive like that. They bring down everybody around them and I feel like in my fiances past there were men in her life that brought chaos, chaos that held her back from flourishing both emotionally and professionally. For awhile I pondered this issue. I wonder if I was wrong to think that somehow her success in fact is allowed to happen because of the still I bring to the relationship. I thought that maybe I was trying to take credit for something I have no business taking credit for. I have mulled this over but on Valentine’s day we had a heart to heart over dinner and although she didn’t use the same wordage that I just used she did intimate that what I just said about her success was true. I know I am not the reason for her success, she has earned everything she has achieved on her own but I am saying that the safety I bring allows her to be the woman she is capable of being and past men hindered her growth. I think that’s fair and I’ll take it.

Okay, a little bit more about me now. As far as my job goes it is a really basic menial job. I am on my feet all day and I do some really basic shit. The pay is crap but the hours are good and for now the overtime is very helpful. The benefits however are great. Medical,vision and dental are all paid for by the company, well after 6months the dental kicks in but still it is great. I get two weeks paid vacation a year and 5 paid sick days and we get 7 holidays a year. And most importantly I am getting paid in the currency of peace of mind. The job is stress free and we are allowed to have a lot of fun at work. we listen to music out loud and holler lyrics to songs and play games guessing who the artist is and what the name of the song is and even dance around a little bit at work. The big boss is very supportive and encourages a loose talkative fun atmosphere and puts it all in perspective and reminds us that we are a non profit and the mission is the autistic clients and mentally disabled clientele that we serve. We many employ many of our clients so I am connected to a cause that is near to my heart as I am on the autism spectrum, having Asperger’s syndrome.

Well, that is all for now. I hope I have time to check in more often. I miss connecting with my other writers and hope I can read more of others blogs soon. It would be really nice to connect and get some feedback from others that I used to touch base with more often. Bye for now.




I was struggling to come up with a good topic so I decided to go with Happiness. I think that will work. Remember you can’t spell Happiness without penis. Here are some quotes.

“For every minute you are angry. You lose sixty seconds op happiness..” Ralp waldo Emerson.

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” Robert A. Heinlein

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be..” Abraham Lincoln

Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.”

Mahatma Ghandi

“happiness is not ready made. It comes from your own actions.”

Dalia Lama XIV



Dr King quotes

A few quotes from Dr Martin Luther King to get you going for the day

if you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.

I heard this one yesterday when I was listening to You Tube,

Then there is this one:

Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.
I just found that one today and I like it,

and my favorite Dr. King quote

My name is not negro, it’s Dr. King bitch

Okay he never said that but he could have.

This is a reprint from 2 months ago but I thought it was a timely idea to share it again.

It’s Martin Luther King Day. Who cares?

One of the things that always astonishes me is the disconnect people have with historical figures. In the united states we have 6 major historical figures that are celebrated with holidays. They are George Washington and Abraham Lincoln who are both celebrated with Presidents day. We have Dr. Martin Luther King day, Columbus day which celebrates Christopher Columbus who discovered the United states. We have Cesar Chavez the great farm labor organizer and of course Christmas which celebrates the birth of Christ. Despite the fact that we acknowledge all of these days and use them for an extra day off of work or in the case of Christmas it has become a way to bring our families together and bond with them as a whole we are largely disconnected from the people these holidays are designed to celebrate. Presidents day is a great excuse to have an extended weekend or sell cars. Dr Kings birthday has become an extra day off of work. Nobody gives a fuck about Columbus or in many cases they actually have great disdain for him and refuse to celebrate him. A small percentage of people connect with Chavez. To be clear, yes, I give a fuck, I do care about Dr King, I do connect with the impact he had on civil rights. I connect with his bravery, I connect because of his oratory skills, his spirituality and of course because of how greatly things are changing in the nearly 60 years since he began his movement.

I realize that I am coming from an American point of view and I have readers who are in other parts of the world such as Europe and India and Africa. I would like to know which leaders are celebrated in other parts of the world. What are the days on the calendar so to speak that are earmarked for leaders or historical figures such as Christmas day which celebrates Christ. I would also like to hear your opinions about whether you feel your citizens connect with the individual. How about Margaret Thatcher in the UK? Do people mention her and connect with her. Is there a day named after her? Or in India I am curious if Mahatma Ghandi has a day named after him. In conversation do people mention his name often and speak of his deeds? Of his hunger strike? Do they at least quote him often.

I make it a point from time to time to honor different historical figures in my blog. If you look up my past blogs you will finds that I have done a blog solely devoted to Dr King and one devoted to Ghandi and I have done Buddha quotes as well. I make it a point to educate people on historical figures, but more importantly to honor them, regardless if they are from my country or not, regardless of how recently they may have lived, regardless of whether or not we have the same skin color. Greatness is greatness, bravery is bravery and that is why today we need to think of and honor Dr Martin Luther King. Hopefully not just in the United states but across the world. I would love to hear your thoughts and feedback on the subject.


Letting go of the past

Hello and happy Sunday to all!

I figured maybe I should stay away from social commentary today and get back to the original purpose of the blog which is to express some of my thoughts on sobriety. There is an old writing adage which goes “write what you know.” And one of the things I do know well is sobriety.

Today at our AA meeting we were reading about not regretting the past nor wishing to shut the door on it. It’s a very familiar passage to those in AA. Us old-timers have read it hundreds and hundreds of times. One of the things I struggle with is being at complete ease with my past. This is what I mean by letting go of, being at ease and completely accepting my path in life and how it led me to where I am today.  In Particular, I often think about my dating history. I often think about women I had been attracted to in the past who may or may not have been attracted to me as well. To be blunt I fumbled away many opportunities, most times nothing happened at all and other times I would begin a relationship and then back out of it shortly after.

To put myself at ease I do have to remind myself that I am exactly where I want to be today in terms of my relationship. I am engaged and will get married later on this year. This helps put me at ease. I was discussing today why I cut so many of my relationships short. I was caught between my physical desires and my ideology about what type of woman I wanted to be with. In my early twenties I found myself attracted to the bad girl types. I wanted sex and lots of it. I wanted down and dirty porno style sex. So I found myself pursuing girls who appeared to be “easy.” I was able to find girls who were sexually adventurous but on the other hand I knew that I also really wanted to be with a good girl in terms of whom I would have a serious relationship with.  I wanted it all I suppose. I wanted high character girls, smart girls, thoughtful girls, ones who could match me in an intellectual discussion, who were highly opinionated and idealistic like myself but on the other hand I wanted to have sex and lots of it and I was also extremely shy and fearful so I figured out that the bad girl types were more likely to show their attraction towards me, to be more aggressive and less passive in their interest towards me. The good girl types were less obvious about their attraction towards me. They were more discreet.  Hence it made more sense for me to go after the bad girl types because of my fearfulness, my anxiety about putting myself out there and showing a genuine interest in a girl.

I often look bad and realize that I let go of some pretty good women. Women who yes, enjoyed some freaky sex but also were very good people. Thoughtful,kind, trustworthy people. To be honest I had some bias that sexually adventurous women may not have the character I was looking for. I feel bad that I would start a relationship with them and then end it because of my own biases and me not being comfortable with myself. I always wanted to settle down with a good girl, I am more at ease now than ever before because I have a good girl or I should say a good woman. She is smart, opinionated, of high character ,caring, successful, booksmart, educated,goal driven and trustworthy.  I have what I always wanted to have. And to be honest, sex is very low on the list of importance. Man were my priorities messed up. But when you are young sex is a big deal. I could probably write 50 pages on all of the dynamics that went into how I ended up being with the women I ended up with. But what matters is that I am happy with who I have.


Tell me what you see

Life is all about perspective. So much of how we percieve life, whether things are fair or unfair depends on what we choose to see. What we often fail to see is that we have more than 1 choice in terms of how we percieve a situation.

The topic came up today when my fiance mentioned the re-shooting of the movie All the Money in the World. It turns out that Mark Wahlberg made 1$ million dollars to re-shoot the scenes while Michelle Williams made 80$ a day per diem to do the same.

To many the knee jerk reaction is to cry gender descrimination. But that reaction only comes if you choose to see them first and foremost as a male and a female. Personally I primarily see Wahlberg as a huge box office draw and Williams not so much. In my mind that explains the wage gap. The choices of how I see things are endless. From a sheer talent perspective I think Williams acts circles around Wahlberg. Wahlberg is a very good actor but Williams is an elite actor. Or i could choose to see Mark Wahlberg as short or i could define him as a sex symbol or i could define Williams as a platinum blonde or as second fiddle to bigger stars. How i view the situation is all a matter of perspective.

My best sport is long distance running. I have ran 10k 5k half marathons and even an ultramarathon. One time i was looking at results for a major marathon and noticed the winner made 50,000dollars for the race. Then i realized a mediocre nfl quarterback will make 8million a year for a 16game season. That’s 500 thousand a game. Doesnt seem fair does it? In both instances i am talking about men. The difference is the amount of money generated by the two sports. The Nfl generates crazy amounts of revenue. Aint nobody paying 5,000 to watch the new york city marathon. You watch it for free. But people will pay that much for a chance to watch the Supet bowl.

You see Michelle Williams is like the elite marathon runner. Yes, she may be better at what she does but Mark Wahlberg is the money generator. People are paying to watch him, fair or not, thats the way it is. Track the revenue generated by wahlberg movies such as transformers and track the money made by the greatest showman. Williams makes better movies Wahlberg makes money.

This is the lesson of life. Whenever something seems unfair assume it is fair and then look to see how it is in fact fair. You might surprise yourself.